Becoming a Roller Girl - and Other Adventures...

A bruise named RUBY!

2009-05-06T16:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this picture is kinda lame....but it was the week after I actually received this bruise named RUBY.

When I first started with the WCR, we spent a lot of time on pacelines (which I hate) and a lot of other random drills that I won't get into here. Basically, we need to become solid skaters before we can be effective rollergirls. That's all fine and dandy...until you show up at your FIRST blocking practice.

Blocking is a difficult concept to learn. Not only do you have to have good timing, form, and position, but you also have to be solid on your feet so you can knock a skater down without falling yourself. My first blocking practice was really fun...and even more painful. Start off skates (for you non-derby folks...that means in sneakers).....start running at full speed against a girl who is trying to hold her stance. Hit with your shoulder/side and hope you knock her down. My arm hurts just thinking about it....

Step 2 - Get your gear on and be prepared to fall down. A LOT. Then imagine you are up against a seasoned rollergirl named Ruby Ramone (a former Chi-Town Siren). She's not a newbie, so she knows how to hit and inflict pain on Payne. For some reason that night, she took a "liking" to me and decided I would be the best target for her. Fortunately for me, I think I only fell down once, which was quite an accomplishment because Ruby hits HARD! The following day, the battle wounds started to appear and I had to wear long sleeves to my day job for the rest of the week to avoid the "abused wife" looks...hahaha!

I've included another picture here of my battle wound from the following week....let's just say this one was WAY more painful....that's what happens when you get knocked down and fall on your own skate....you get a nearly perfect wheel-shaped bruise on your upper thigh...nice...

So...any of you rollergirls out there remember what it was like when you first started learning to block??? I'd love to hear your stories of your blocking virginity....please leave comments!!

Happiness is my name on a track jacket....

2009-05-06T16:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I got enough people to ask that I return to the blogger world, so I will try to do my part to stick to my promise of coming back...

First things first....let me remind you that I am not an athlete (but I try to play one on tv). I've never been a part of a team of anything....unless you count my team of gourmet home cooks that I tend to associate with from time to time. I never knew what it was like to be a member of anything....until now.

WHAT MAKES YOU OFFICIAL?

I have to believe that with any sport, there is something that happens that makes you "official." In roller derby, the first step is to register your name with Two Evils...the International Rollergirls' Master Roster - the website that lists all current rollergirls' names so that nobody out there can steal it from you. Fortunately, my name was already registered as a member of the Central City Rollergirls in Birmingham, England...a secret gift they gave to me for my birthday last year (THANKS GIRLS).

TRACK JACKETS RULE...

In the Windy City Rollers - the thing that happens to make you "official" it is getting your track jacket. These jackets are special - only skaters can get them with the official WCR patch. When I first started skating with the WCR, it was fun, but I still didn't really feel like a rollergirl. Once my name was transferred on Two Evils to list me as a Windy City Roller, I got the approval to order a track jacket. And I LOVE IT!! Not only is it really comfy, but it solidifies my place as a true member of the roller derby community.

FINDING HAPPINESS...ONE COAT AT A TIME....

So, maybe it's that the jacket is really cute...maybe it's because when I wear it to the mall I get stopped by people all the time recognizing that I am a Windy City Roller....for whatever reason...I really believe that happiness can be found by putting your name on the back of a track jacket.

What is a pain dispenser?

2009-04-26T06:01:00.000-07:00

I know, I gave you a list of blogs I would write. But, last weekend something came up that I thought I should share with all of you before I get into all of that stuff.

When you come up with your derby name, you always hope that people will "get it." When I first started wearing my name tag at Derby Lite, people just kinda stared at it for awhile. When it finally made sense to them, I'd hear "oh, pain dispenser.....I get it!"

Last week one of the Haymarket Rioters, Rumour Hassit, told me that I needed to talk to her son to ask him about pain dispensers. So, here's what 8 year old Smashin' Bastian had to say about a pain dispenser......

Okay - imagine there's a guy standing in front of a pop machine.
He puts in his money for the pop.
He pushes the button to get a coke.
He waits for the coke, but instead of the coke coming...

AN ARM REACHES OUT OF THE MACHINE AND PUNCHES HIM!!

That's a pain dispenser.

Okay seriously - That is a pretty creative story that this 8-year-old came up with. I love it (plus, I do have quite a fondness for kids sporting a mohawk).

So, next time you're standing in front of a coke machine....brace yourself in case it happens to be a pain dispenser in disguise.

Have you missed me???

2009-04-17T18:13:00.000-07:00

As a blogger, I suck right now. It's been ages since I have touched this thing. With a new job kicking my arse, illness, skating, more illness, and many other excuses I could continue throwing out there.....I've just ignored this site for WAY too long.

Now is your chance to let me know...have you missed the blog?? If so, post a quick comment. If I get 5 people to post that they've missed reading the blog, I'll find a way to post on a regular basis....

As a preview of topics:

Happiness is my name on a track jacket...
A bruise named Ruby....
Oh how I hate pacelines....
Am I really a rollergirl?
First steps on the track at UIC...

These are just a few thoughts I have rolling around in my head......

I hope you have missed the blog. I've missed all of you....

XOX

Becoming a Roller Girl...the adventure continues...

2008-12-01T16:45:00.000-08:00

Going to England was a turning point for me and my skating development. Skating with the "real" rollergirls really gave me a sense of confidence that I can hang with the big kids. It was after my run as lead jammer that I looked at Pez and realized that I am a real rollergirl.

So, I decided to try out for the Windy City Rollers on November 1st. They had open tryouts for the farm team (this will be the group of skaters that they will select new team members from). I figured since I'm not getting any younger, I may as well go for it.

I was sooooooo nervous. After all, I've only been skating since mid-February (and only seriously for the past few months). I had no idea what I was in for. I knew they would only accept a few new girls (9 actually), so I had no idea what my chances were. I'm not gonna lie - it was tough for me. I'm a fairly decent skater, but I'm still working on that whole "fitness" thing. When we started with 30 minutes of off-skates exercise, I was a little winded (okay, a lot). Plus, it didn't help much that my pants kept falling down and I had to stop to hike them up. Note to self: always jump around in workout gear before going to an important practice to ensure that your arse will stay covered.

It was a 2 hour tryout. We did our off-skates stuff, then a bunch of skating, followed by an interview. I felt good about all of it - for me it was a real accomplishment just to get thru the entire practice without letting my nerves get to me.

I am very excited to announce to all of you.....

I AM A WINDY CITY ROLLER!!

I can't even believe it (except that I have late practice tonight). I'm excited and scared to death all at the same time. I'm not afraid of injury, I'm just afraid of the unknown - afraid that I won't be good enough or fast enough or strong enough (or awake enough to get thru 9-11pm practices). But, you know - it's okay to be nervous (as Waldo, Belle, & Pez keep telling me). I just have to remind myself that everyone starts somewhere and I've had a pretty good start so far with Derby Lite. I'll just try to keep my nervousness in check and go skate my arse off. Or at least just try to keep up for now....

And, before I forget....I would like to thank anyone who is reading this for supporting me, being my friend, and talking me down from the ledge when I feel like I should quit.

Let the adventures continue.......

Life in the fast lane...

2008-11-30T13:32:00.000-08:00

Today is November 30th. The last time I touched this blog was on November 4th. A whole lotta stuff has been going on over the past month or so. So much so that it will take numerous posts just to catch you up with what I've been up to. If you're thinking I've hung up my skates, think again.

I'll try to be brief with the boring stuff. In a nutshell, I've been sleeping, eating, working, and skating (not necessarily in that order of course). It's been challenging to keep up with everything since I have a new job and I've been skating with new groups of people (more on that later). As you know, I went to England in October to visit friends for the first part of October. Upon my return, I was happy to be back at Derby Lite. I didn't realize how long it had been since I had seen my "local" derby friends! Plus, I was really excited to teach all of the DL ladies what I had learned from my derby friends across the pond.

Follow the leader....
It was very exciting for me to finally lead practice at Derby Lite. I had wanted to do it for awhile, but the opportunity didn't really present itself to me until I returned from England. Since I had been practicing with the Central City Rollergirls in England, I learned quite a few new tricks that I was anxious to put into the rotation at Derby Lite.

I had a really great turnout for my practice. It was a new space, so I wasn't quite used to the floor yet (VERY SLIPPERY). Either way - I was there to do a job - and that job was to make these ladies SWEAT!! I started out the night with Little Joker's 10 minute warmup of alternating knee falls, touch the floor, spin around, bounce, and anything else that sounded good. Then I followed it up with Ouija Broad's fall down / get up drill. That one got people to curse at me I think (and boy, were my arms and chest sore the next day!!). Then I followed that up with Hustle'Her's "hot laps" drill. Once all that was done, we did some backward skating (which I love) and some other random drills. I definitely made them sweat!

I learned a lot about myself that night. I learned that I work really hard as the leader because I don't want to be one of those people who expects everyone else to perform the drills, but I just sit and watch. I also learned that I really enjoyed being the coach for the day. I was really happy to have had the opportunity to do it - and I hope to lead practice again!!! Hopefully the Derby Lite ladies enjoyed that practice as much as I did!

So, stay tuned and I will do my best to find a few minutes here and there to bring you up to speed with the rest of October 'till now. There have been A LOT of developments in the skating life of Payne D. Spencer. Just you wait and see...

5 Derby Teams + 5 Hours = SUPER FUN!!

2008-11-04T15:04:00.001-08:00

Me & the Central City Rollergirls

Derby in England...Take 2!

So, when my new friend, Hope N. Gory, suggested I join her and the Central City Rollergirls for a mixed scrimmage in Bedford, England - I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. I knew that there would be representatives from 5 teams in attendance - Central City Rollergirls, London Rockin' Rollers, Bedford Bandits, Windsor Rollergirls, and the Romsey Rollergirls. That is a whole lot of girl-on-girl roller derby action for Pez to handle in one day for sure!!!

The Wheels on The Minibus....

We took a minibus from Birmingham about 2 hours and arrived in Bedford around 11:30am. It was pretty funny for Pez & I to smoosh into the back seats of the bus with a tower of gear ready to fall on me at any time. Fortunately I was able to take a nap, so I didn't have to worry about any potential car sickness....thank goodness!!!

Once we arrived at the practice location, everyone really made me feel welcome. Heck - I felt like a rock star for the day! I was announced as one of 2 visitors for the day. Everyone was incredibly nice. It was really fantastic to be recognized and to feel like a "real" rollergirl instead of a rollergirl-in-training. We were skating in a double-sized gym, which was good since there were about 60 girls and 6 token men. Cool that they let the dudes skate with them from time to time.

10 Minute Warmup

We started our practice with a 10 minute warmup led by Little Joker. Dang - he is a super fab trick skater and is SOOOOO fast!! He shouted out random commands for us to follow such as right knee falls, left knee falls, 180 degree knee spins, touching the floor, and jumping over lines. I thought it was an excellent warm up drill indeed!

Me as PIVOT!

Since the practice ended up being 5 whole hours (yes, for real - 5 hours), we performed a lot of different drills. I'll try to describe some of them, but there were so many - it's hard to remember everything. Plus, the last 1.5 hours was a mixed scrimmage....but I'll tell you all about that in a bit.

Fall Down, Get UP!!

Ouija Broad (the captain from the CCR), decided to run a fall down, get up drill. Basically, get 4 girls in a line across the track (not in front of each other, next to each other). When all 4 girls reach a certain line, all fall down (all the way to your belly) and get up super fast at the same time. Then skate around until you hit that line again and all fall simultaneously. The thing is that after the group starts, another group starts around the track about 3 seconds later. The trick to this drill is to get up fast before the next group reaches you and falls on top of you.

Variations on a Paceline...

I've learned that all derby teams perform their own version of pacelines. They are all different, but all serve many purposes. The first is to get used to skating very close to other girls. The second is to find the ability to maintain your pace and remain equidistant between the girl in front of you and the girl behind you. Then each team incorporates a little bit of a variation to freshen it up a little. The London Rockin' Rollers were no exception. Get started with a weaving paceline, which means the girl in back skates between each girl until she reaches the front. This time, between each girl, we were to touch the floor and then give a slight shoulder check. It gets pretty exhausting after awhile!

10 Minutes in HELL!!!

What was really cool was when the captains from the representative teams asked me to lead a drill. They said the girls didn't seem like they were sweating enough yet and asked if I had any suggestions. OF COURSE!! 10 Minutes in Hell will certainly do the trick. You can read my older posts about this drill (I'm running out of room for descriptions). At first the girls were all chatting when they were skating. After they had to drop the second time to do their exercises, it was completely silent in the gym (with the exception of a few grunts & groans). Everyone seemed to have a love/hate relationship with the drill, which is exactly what I was hoping for. It felt really good to have the opportunity to play coach - if only for 10 minutes in hell.

I GOT THE FINGER OF POWER!!!

Mixed Scrimmage....

With 1.5 hours left of the 5 hour marathon practice, it was time for the mixed scrimmage. They broke up into 2 groups - intermediate and advanced. All of the teams mixed up and played derby together. I had no intention of joining the scrimmage. After all - I hadn't taken "real" hits yet and I was on vacation! I really didn't want to get injured on the second day of my trip and wind up ruining the remainder of my visit to England. BUT - when I told Ab Salute (the captain of the Bedford Bandits) my intention, she convinced me to join the intermediate scrimmage. Boy, was I glad I did.

Pivot for A Day...

Everyone took turns playing all positions, which was really cool. It seemed like every time the intermediate group was called, the pivot panties (the helmet cover, silly) were thrown at me. I'm not sure why, but one of the girls said they appreciated my efforts as a pivot. I really enjoyed playing that position. I learned a lot about myself as a pivot - I can look all around and still skate well while shouting instructions and blocking the opposing jammer. It really gave me a lot of confidence that I can play "derby regular" instead of just Derby Lite.

The Radest Thing EVER...

So, it was the last jam of the day for the intermediate group. Nobody wanted to be jammer. So, I said fine and I threw the star on my head. I have to say - I was more than excited to hear the ref shout:

PAYNE D. SPENCER - YOU ARE LEAD JAMMER!!!

I never really expected to hear that....especially when I was on vacation!! Lucky for me, Pez snapped the camera at just the right time to capture the moment. It was one of the most fantastic feelings I have ever felt in my life. When the jam finished, I skated over to Pez and he gave me the biggest hug ever. I think I even started to cry a little because I was so excited. It was at that moment that I realized that I am a real rollergirl. Inside and out. For sure.

Hope N. Gory & Payne D. Spencer

So, I must end this post with a sincere thank you to my friends, Hope N. Gory, Ouija Broad, Chet Wisconsin, and all of the Central City Rollergirls. It was really a privilege to be a member of your team - if only for a few days. It is because of people like you that I am reminded of how special roller derby really is and how happy I am to have an opportunity to be a part of it.

Until next time...CHEERS!!!!!

2 hours with the Central City Rollergirls.....

2008-10-18T19:38:00.000-07:00

Central City Rollergirls - and a few boys too!

(That's me toward the left in the middle row)

I finally have a chance to catch you all up with my recent trip to England. We traveled to the U.K. to catch up with Waldo & Juan - 2 of our closest friends (names have been changed to protect the innocent). What I didn't realize is that I would be on a mission to promote International Roller Derby Relations.

Axiously awaiting instructions from Ouija Broad & Hustle'her

Hope N. Gory
About 6 months ago, I stumbled across a blog similar to mine written by Hope N. Gory. She's a member of the Central City Rollergirls out of Birmingham, England. I sent her a note one day with a link to this blog just to introduce myself. Since I knew I would be in England in the fall, I figured maybe I would reach out to her to see if there would be a possibility of me skating with the CCR while I was in the U.K. I guess I contacted the right girl....because 6 months later...it was a reality. Fortunately for me, she was just as cool in person as she seemed in her many e-mails to me.

Saturday, October 4th

After a very long flight, too many glasses of cider, too much Rock Band, and a VERY late night, we left Hereford early Saturday morning in route to Birmingham. We arrived at the Cocks Moor Leisure Center right on time. I was to meet Hope in the cafe. I didn't find her, but I did find Hustle'her and a few of the other CCR ladies. Once I introduced myself, they all knew who I was and were very welcoming to me. I was soooooo nervous. After all, I had no idea what level I would be skating at with their team.

Preparing to give Hope N. Gory a whip.

Nerves getting the best of me.....

I quickly realized that I was nervous for nothing. Everyone was so nice, I had no reason to feel anxious to be there. After warmups and stretching, one of our first drills was called "Hot Laps." Break up into 3 groups - beginner, intermediate, and advanced. Each group skates 5 laps at their max speed and then pulls off the floor. The next group follows with 5 laps, then 4 laps each group, then 3 laps each group....you get the picture. I positioned myself with the intermediate skaters since that's where I felt most comfortable. Ouija Broad was having none of that because she moved me to the advanced group after our first 5 laps. Alright, alright...

5 minutes of Endurance

Basically, skate for 5 minutes and see how many laps you can complete. I learned recently that this is one of the core competency drills you must master when becoming a member of WFTDA. I think I did 28 laps, but I tell you - it was much harder than I thought it would be. You get out of the gate really quickly and start hauling arse. Until you realize that you still have to skate for 3 more minutes. Fortunately, I made it thru the drill in one piece - without passing out. Score.

"Skate 'till you puke"

We do this drill at speedskating. I hate it there, and I hated it in England too. Get into a paceline with the "fast" girls in front and the "faster" skaters in back. Each skater takes the lead for 2 or 3 laps at their max speed. Then they drop off and the next person in the paceline takes the lead for 2 or 3 laps. Imagine being, like, 10th in line. That means you've already skated 20-30 laps before it's even your turn for the lead. Holy crap - I was very tired (shouldn't have had so much hard cider the night before - geezzzzzz). But, I didn't puke - and neither did anyone else - thank goodness.

New friends...and old friends...

2 hours flew by...

I can't even believe how fast the practice went. Even though I was exhausted when I arrived, I managed to pull through and make it 'till the end. It was pretty entertaining when the ladies started diving into the Twinkies & Tootsie Rolls I had been requested to schlep across the pond. Who would have thought that those things are very difficult to find in England??

I was so happy when some of the CCR ladies (and gents) agreed to join us for drinks and dinner that same evening. It was really nice to have time to get to know people a little better. It's just amazing to me what an incredible community the Roller Derby scene can be. I mean, I have never randomly contacted anyone online, let alone someone living in another country. I'm just really lucky that I found the right group to spend my vacation with.

So, a special thanks to all of the Central City Rollergirls (and the boys too). I had a splendid time with each of you!!

Wait until you hear about Sunday.....5 U.K. Roller Derby Teams....5 hours of practice...and me.

33 is not old....

2008-10-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

For those of you that don't know, today is my birthday. I tell you what, I'm definitely feeling like an old lady today. Not because I think 33 is old....it's because every muscle in my body hurts today. I spent the entire day yesterday skating with 5 UK roller derby teams during a 5 hour practice. You think I'm joking??? Well, I'm not...it WAS a 5 hour practice. And I didn't give up, pass out, or puke...I guess miracles do happen.

Today I'm feeling a little sore...bruises up both arms, a few scratches from being grabbed during a scrimmage (note to rollergirls - DON'T GRAB!!), bruise on my back (where the heck did that come from?), and a few blisters on my feet. No fun. I can't figure out which hurts more - my abs or my chest/shoulders. I can probably blame both on 10 Minutes in Hell and Ouija Broad's fall down/get up drill (I'll describe more later).

I'll be sure to post the entire report on my Saturday practice with the Central City Rollergirls as well as my practice yesterday with the CCR girls, London Rockin Rollers, Bedford Bandits, Windsor Rollergirls, and one other team (I can't recall their name - can one of you CCR girls remind me??).

Special thanks today to all my new UK roller derby friends...I had a great weekend!!!

Fish, Chips, cup o' tea....

2008-10-03T12:51:00.000-07:00

Yep - I'm in England today. I arrived this morning around 7am after flying what seemed like all day. But, I was greeted by the sneaky grin of my lovely friend, Rachel. It's so nice to see someone that you adore after an absence. So, today is a great day so far. I'm pretty tired, but I'm still managing to enjoy a fine glass of wine to celebrate Friday.

We're Getting the Band Back Together...
The guys, meaning Pez & John, decided that they needed to keep me awake this afternoon (get your minds out of the gutter). Since Rock Band 2 isn't available here in the UK yet, so I smuggled a copy into the country (along with tootsie rolls, twinkies, gummie lifesavers, and tiger balm). This afternoon we got the band back together - Spence, John, and I played rock band for about 2 hours today. I guess having no sleep is good for my singing skills because I got 100% for 6 songs in a row! Then I was an equally good drummer as well. Rock band may be silly to some, but I tell you....drink a few hard ciders and the hits just keep on coming.

Nerves......
So, tomorrow I'm skating with the Central City Rollergirls. I finally get to meet Hope N. Gory in person! But, I must say, I am still a little nervous about hanging with real rollergirls. I'm sure it will be great fun. I've had a bit of a cold this week, so I hope that I am not too wobbly tomorrow. I'm just really excited to meet all of the girls and put them through 10 minutes of hell! If you have ideas on what exercises I should order between the sprints, I'm happy to hear your suggestions!

Until next time....CHEERS to all of my friends, both new and old, wherever you are in the world when you read this.

The Ladies in Blue - A Preview....

2008-09-23T19:59:00.001-07:00

The Ladies in Blue

Karmageddon, Donna D. Apocalypse, Pominatrix, Ruth Enasia, Gigantor, Ivy Sedation

This picture is just a preview of my Saturday night. These were the "cheerleaders" at the latest WCR bout vs. Kansas City. Stay tuned and you'll learn all about naughty girls in the box, Chicago kicking Kansas City's arse, the afterparty at Cobra, and how to get tequila to taste like water. Yeah, it was a fuuuunnnn night.

More photos are on the way....

My new post appears to be missing......

2008-09-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

In case you are checking in, there is a new post today...but it was an old draft, so it posted behind 2 others. Take a second and look for it...."My Hate-Hate Relationship."

Stupid computer....

2008-09-13T17:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I said I would quit apologizing for getting behind in my blogging. However, I feel like I owe my loyal readers one...last...apology. It was no fault of mine that this blog has been sadly lacking in adequate roller derby content (or any content for that matter). My stinking computer decided to puke out last week. Stupid POS (aka piece of shite).

With my new job, I am too busy to spend any time online during the day (which is a good thing). But, I count on my home computer to provide a window to my friends, the news, this blog, and to give me entertainment when I need it. But, this POS decided it wasn't my friend. Really - it was the whole arse that thought it would be cool to make a deadly computer virus that decided to be my enemy. What is wrong with these people? Why can't they use their computer programming skills for good and not evil like John does? I wish I could find that dude and give him some "viruses."

So, now I am back online - for however long my computer will continue to work. But, we pretty much lost all of our files, which is super sucky. Hopefully I won't miss any of that stuff. But, I'm sure someday I will need something and it will be lost. And then I will be very pissed.

The moral of the story is this - BACKUP YOUR COMPUTER!!!!

Grease is the word!!!

2008-09-13T17:33:00.000-07:00

John Travolta is my boyfriend.

I love Grease. Maybe it makes me a dork, but I don't care. I can't even tell you specifically what I love about it. Maybe it's just a reminder of simpler times when a date consisted of sharing a milkshake and feeding the jukebox with quarters. Maybe it's the old cars that I drool over. Perhaps it is the outfits that they wear. I am a sucker for those "poodle-type" skirts. My mom still has hers from the '50s and I love it. One of my favorite halloween costumes as a kid was to wear my mom's skirt and her ORIGINAL saddleshoes with my dad's letterman sweater. He graduated high school in 1957, so he had one that was just like Danny Zuco's (except my dad's was red w/ white trim and Danny's was white w/ red trim).

Today Pez & I went to see Grease - ON THE BIG SCREEN!!! Our favorite movie theater (Tivoli in Downers Grove) played 2 showings of Grease in honor of their 30th anniversary of being in business. I didn't even know that Grease is also celebrating the 30th anniversary of its release. Today while I watched the movie - I had a smile on my face for the entire time. I sang along and for 2 hours - I forgot that it has been storming nonstop for 2 days and that I am stressed out and that I am afraid of speedskating.

What I love about Grease is that it makes me really, really happy. I have seen it about a million times and still - I love it every single time. And, tonight I will dream about sharing a milkshake with Danny Zuco (but don't tell Pez).

My hate-hate relationship.....

2008-09-01T16:22:00.002-07:00

Yeah...I started this post weeks ago....on my first date with my new "hobby"... Derby Lite has been on a 1-month hiatus while we were selecting a new facility. So, I had to find other places to roll around for awhile.

SUNDAY - Speedskating - Take 1
I arrive at the rink and none of my friends that said they would be there showed up. Groovy. Pez reminded me that I can try new things by myself and it would be okay. It was REALLY hard - starting with about 30 minutes of plyometrics and running. I was pretty much spent just after warmups. I am sooooooo out of shape. A bunch of the WCR ladies were there that morning - Athena DeCrime, Shocka Conduit, Loco Chanel, and Mona Lott, as well as my friend, Manny Shovitz (and 6-year old Ultra-Violet on crazy 3-wheel inline speedskates) and Ref Tribution. It's fantastic to suck that badly in front of a bunch of super fantastic skaters.

To make things even better, there were a bunch of younger kids (13ish) and a few men in full Lycra hauling arse around the track. It was nuts (maybe I should wear full Lycra suits - perhaps it provides super speed skating powers). I couldn't even keep up with the paceline and I had to pull into the middle to catch my breath. It sucked. Bad. I hated pretty much every second of it. It all goes back to the fact that fitness when you are slightly stocky STINKS. But, even so, I try to have a positive attitude while I am there (and then whine about it after the fact).

My new motto is this: Even if you can't keep up - DON'T STOP MOVING!!! That morning I didn't stop at all - and I paid for it later. I swear my legs were sore for 3 days after that. I guess I should be glad to have felt that pain. It meant that I challenged myself. Whatever - I still hated it.

THURSDAY - Speed Skating - Take 2
Okay, so the following Thursday evening I thought I would give myself some extra punishment and go back to speed skating class. Great idea. Fantastic, really. Fortunately, that day a bunch of my friends DID actually show up. It's always better when you have your friends to help you through the things you hate. We really focused on working crossovers - learning to push off with both feet. That's a recent development for me. I never realized that a proper crossover should be a 2-push motion. It's to build speed & power - not just to get you around a corner more efficiently.

Unfortunately that night I had to cut out of practice early. I got a HORRIBLE cramp in my foot that put all of my toes into one big knot. I thought I could push through it, but not that night. I threw in the towel after only an hour and 15 minutes. That's okay - I was just glad to have showed up.

Sunday - Speed Skating - Take 3
I know, you're probably wondering why I keep putting myself thru this torture. I don't really know why. Except that I like to skate and I do want to get better at it. One of the things about speed skating is that it is more "serious" and I don't wear my super fun outfits & kneesocks to those practices. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I don't want to bring more attention to myself so nobody will notice that I'm terrible. Perhaps I should re-evaluate that since I do miss my kneesocks. Anyway, thanks to Pominatrix, I got my arse out of bed WAY too early on a Sunday morning to head out to practice. I was skating alongside more WCR ladies. I couldn't keep up with them, but I stuck to my rule and I didn't stop moving.

That day was much better for me. Coach Dave told me that I had good form. Ahhh...that meant a lot to me. But, what that also means is that my endurance is for shite. I guess...the only way to get better is to keep practicing. Which leads us to.....

Thursday - Speed Skating - Take 4
I planned ahead and did some nice stretching before I left home. That is key for me because I get terrible cramps in my left hip from skating around in circles for hours on end. We started practice in a paceline. This week he put me 5th from the front. Each person skates 4 laps at 70% of their maximum speed and then drops back. This means that by the time I am the leader, I have already skated 20 laps. I did my 4 laps and I was pretty stinking tired. I was pretty proud of myself - I took a short break by skating slow in the center, then I jumped back onto the end of the paceline. After about 2 minutes, I realized I couldn't keep up with their superridiculousfastpace. So, once again, I skated around in the middle until they finished their 30 minute superridiculousfastpaceline.

Following that paceline, we all had a race. Group 1 consisted of all of the ladies skating on quads. Group 2 was all of the pre-teens that haul arse (on inlines or quads). Group 3 consisted of all of the men hauling super arse on crazy inline speedskates. Race 1 = 5 laps each. Okay, I can do that. No problem....I felt like I kept up pretty well (except that Ivanna Riot lapped me once, but then again, she lapped pretty much everyone). Race 2 = 7 more laps. I made it through that race in one piece, but dang, I was getting tired. Race 3 = 10 more laps. That one was MUCH slower, but I was just happy to finish without giving up, passing out, or puking.

More Complaining to Come...
So, I guess I will continue going to speed skating for awhile as long as I can. I still hate it. I'm trying to like it, but I'm not gonna lie - it's not fun for me. But, I don't want to give up and I know that it is helping me. I just have to stick with it and listen to what Coach Dave says to do. After all, he's been working with some of those WCR girls for over a year.

I suppose if that's what I have to do to become a rollergirl....I guess I'd better suck it up. Buttercup (thanks, Kristina).

Crappy Injuries & Thieves in the Temple

2008-09-01T15:53:00.000-07:00

Two things have been bothering me.

Item One

A Derby Lite member, and recently named WCR new recruit, broke her ankle this week. Of all of the ladies that tried out for the WCR this year, this one is especially inspiring. She has a passion for skating that I haven't really encountered before. Now I feel that I should try to skate twice as hard to make up for her not being able to skate right now.

So, to Sue Perduper - your friends & your skates will be waiting for you once you are ready to roll!

Item Two

My friend's shop was robbed this week. In the middle of the day while she was working. Some whole arse had the nerve to violate her place of business and steal from her. Not only did he take money and merchandise, but he also damaged the spirit of my lovely friend. That's totally not cool. We'll be sending good vibes thru the shop soon, so we can try to rid the place of that dude's cooties.

I will ask each of you to send whatever good vibes you have to them and to any other friends facing challenges right now. To sum up - broken ankles and thieves in the temple SUCK.

The end.

The sky is blue and the path is ready...

2008-09-01T15:36:00.001-07:00

Me, Vivi Sewhot, Poppy Z Fite, Pominatrix, Sue Perduper, Mz K.O.

Sunday, August 17 - Derby Lite Picnic!!

I love a good reason for a party. If you've been keeping up, you'll already know that I love to entertain and hang out with fun people. Add in a blue sky, a picnic, and a super smooth skating path - you have a PERFECT setup for a fantastic day. Everyone brought fantastic salads and fresh veggies from their gardens to share. And - Mz K.O. brought rhubarb crisp that is my fave. Since we would be skating, it gave us an excuse to eat a lot of great tasting stuff! A few laps around the park would definitely work it off!

We all put on our gear and hit the path. It's so smooth and lovely there. It may just be my absolute favorite place to skate. It's so pretty. I would encourage anyone in the area to skate there (but make sure you don't tell too many people so it won't get too crowded!!). I skated about 6 miles, but I had skated 10 miles the previous day, so my legs were a little tired.

It was a really fun day in the sun. A special thanks to Jack the Ripa for bringing all of the cool games for the kids. It was fun to watch them play tug of war!!

I think next year Jack should bring a longer rope for adult tug-o-war. Yeah - I see derby girls on one team and significant others on the opposite team. I think the girls would have a pretty good chance to take it.

Don't you?

I'm done apologizing....

2008-09-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

I've decided that I can no longer begin each of my posts with an apology for taking too long to update the blog. I have a life too, so you just quit pressuring me to write! Hahaha! I'm glad you are checking back for updates often. I think I've worked out my schedule so I can have more things to write about. So, the next posts will bring you up to date with my skating. Don't think I have been ignoring my beautiful skates. Oh, no....I just haven't had time to tell you about it. Until now.

Get a cup of coffee, wine, whatever you need to keep you happy for the next little while. I'll do my best to provide you with a bit of entertainment - for whatever time of day it is where you are.

Cheers.

Skate 10 miles, then punish bad girls...

2008-08-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

Saturday was a super fantastic day for me. It began by meeting a fellow DL girl, JaxSin, at my fave park - Ty Warner in Westmont for a morning skate. The sun was up, the sky was blue, and the path was as smooth as a baby's bottom. Yep, I was ready to go.
Stretch FIRST to avoid pain...
We quickly realized that not stretching or warming up at all was beginning to take its toll on us after we finished up our second mile. We decided to have a quick water break on a bench to stretch out our ankles. Taking 5 minutes to rest really does make a difference! We found ourselves skating 2 or 3 miles, then taking a quick break. Then skate 2 or 3 more, followed by a quick water break. Guess what? We managed to skate 10 miles! Woo hoo!!! I was pretty excited about that for sure.
WCR vs. Minnesota Rollergirls
I always look forward to the WCR bouts. Even more so when I get to work the penalty box. It is definitely my favorite view of the match...for...sure. This week they played against the Minnesota Rollergirls. Let me first say - their uniforms KICKED ARSE! Seriously.

Check out those camo miniskirts! So super cool...as I heard someone say once, those uniforms definitely allow those girls to "look sexy and threatening at the same time." That's the key to a stand-out uniform for sure.

Mistresses of Punishment...

That's what Mouthpiece (the WCR announcer) called us this week when he announced the penalty box bitches this week. I enjoy that name, although I'm not really handing out punishment, I'm just the timekeeper. This week Malice didn't sit in my chair at all (she kept choosing the other chair - what's up with that??). So, this week I was able to get to know a few other skaters. As I have told you before, the girls that end up serving time in the box ALWAYS have something to say. Although we can't talk to them, it doesn't stop them from talking to us. Sometimes that is really cool.....Nina Millimeter made it to the box on a number of occasions. Maybe she was having a bad day and taking it out on those Minnesota girls. Funny thing is that at one point she asked me if her eye was twitching. I said no (I guess I broke the rules by saying 1 word to her). She said it was bothering her. Then she said this:

"Someone told me that my eye twitches because I am stressed. How can I be stressed? I get to slam into people all day."

That was the coolest thing I have heard in a long time. Roller Derby = stress relief. Kick. Arse.

Congrats to Varla Vendetta - and to the WCR!!

I was talking to Varla Vendetta before the bout started. She told me that I wouldn't be seeing her in the box at this bout. I politely responded with "yeah, right - I'll see you in 5 minutes." She said that this week she was really gonna try to stay out of the penalty box. I then reminded her that the last time I worked the box, she was the 1st and 2nd girl to get sent to serve her time. So, I suggested that she adjust her goal to be at least the 3rd girl in the box. Congratulations, Varla! She didn't get sent to the box until there was 4 minutes left in the game (plus she only served time once). And she scored like a billion points in the meantime.

WCR beat the pants off of the Minnesota Rollergirls - 206-18!!! That is crazy...I guess all of the other WFTDA leagues had better get their arses in gear and be ready to face the wrath of the Windy City Rollers!!

What do you want to do?

2008-08-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday was our final practice with our guest rollergirl coach (for awhile anyway). Usually when she arrives, she already has a plan to kick our arses a little and whip us into shape. This week was a little different. She walked in and said:

"Since this is our last week together for awhile - what do YOU want to do?"

WOW? What did I want to do? I always try to relate what I am learning in my skating lessons to what I am practicing at Derby Lite. Last Monday at my lesson I was working with Dar (my skating instructor) on how to be a stronger skater overall and those stinking left-mohawk turns (leading w/ left foot). Dar wanted me to work on my "backward parallels." Essentially, skate backwards, and push off with left foot and then immediately pull your left foot off of the floor and position it in front of your right foot causing the need to balance on your right foot while skating backwards. Then do the same thing with your right foot and repeat the sequence.

It's the same as skating forward....NOT!
Hhhmmm...you would think that if you can balance well on 1 foot while skating forward, you should be able to do this while skating backwards, right? WRONG!! So, on Tuesday night, I told our guest coach what I had been working on and she thought it would be great for Derby Lite to do the same type of lesson. We do a lot of drills in Derby Lite, but we don't often focus on basic skating technique. The thing about it is that if you have good form and master basic technique, you will be a much stronger skater, making you a MUCH stronger derby girl. I'm all for strength...

Step AROUND her....
Our next lesson for the night was how to get in front of a skater when she is hugging the inside line and you have a girl immediately to your right. There's no place to go, so what do you do? You step AROUND her. Position yourself directly behind the blocker you need to pass. Pick up your right foot and balance on your left foot (this is easiest to perform while going around the corner). In the same motion, swing your right foot in front of the blocker while pushing her back with your booty and back. Your right foot should land between the blocker's feet. And voila! You have passed her legally. Watch out though...she will be mad and she WILL get you back...it's only a matter of time.

A Low-Key Night...
Overall, practice last Tuesday wasn't very hard core. The heat in the gym we practice in is really getting ridiculous. It is sooooo difficult to keep up with a very hard practice when you are skating in a 90+ degree space. Plus, we were all a little worn out that day, so we took it kinda easy. That's okay...we'll make up for it later.

I guess I'll have to skate double-hard this week to make up for it!

Musical Chairs & Margaritas...

2008-08-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

Queen B, me, Go.2.Belle, Penny Pistolwhip, Poppy Z Fite

VIVA MARGARITAS!

Last night was very mellow at practice. I know, mellow isn't usually a word I would use to describe practice, but it is fitting this time. First of all, it was really, REALLY hot in the gym last night. Queen B decided that we should take it a bit easy to compensate for the high heat. I was happy about this because I was sweating buckets within 10 minutes of arrival.

Skate Backwards!
We spent a lot of time skating backwards and practicing turning around. I've really been trying to work on my left mohawk turns lately, so having extra time to practice was fantastic for me. Plus, we don't usually spend a lot of time skating backwards at Derby Lite, so it was great to work on that too. I went skating at USA Skate in Romeoville on Monday night and felt very strong with my backwards crossovers. I was happy that I was pretty strong with them last night as well, since skating on a big rink floor and skating in our tiny gym is VERY different.

Musical Chairs
When was the last time you played musical chairs? Maybe in the 4th grade or so?? Well, last night we played musical chairs - ON SKATES! To make things extra challenging, we used kiddie chairs that are about a third the size of regular adult chairs. I must apologize to Belle for nearly sitting on her shoulder while trying to push her out of a chair so I could get my arse on one. It's actually fairly challenging to play when you are rolling around. But, just like in roller derby, you have to learn that contact is necessary from time to time if you want a place for your arse.

Viva Margaritas!
Today is Belle's Birthday - HOORAY!! All together now - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BELLE!! So, last night we went out for pre-birthday margaritas at our fave after skate location, Cucina de los Lobos (aka - Cucina las cheapos if you like margaritas). Fortunately, Belle found that special pirate hat at the school to really make her stand out (as if the fishnets weren't enough). It was really nice to just hang out and have a few cocktails with the ladies. I love birthdays - just another reason to have fun with your friends and enjoy time together.

And, for the record, Pirates are WAAAYYY cooler than ninjas. I'm just sayin'.

The perfect place to skate...

2008-08-06T11:41:00.000-07:00

During the summer, it is such a treat to skate outdoors. It's nice to have an opportunity to combine fun, fitness, and sunshine! I have finally convinced some of the Derby Lite ladies that Ty Warner Park is the PERFECT place for outdoor skating.

I love Ty Warner park. First of all, it is super duper close to home. I definitely appreciate not having to drive 30+ minutes to skate someplace. 6 minutes - HOORAY! The park itself is really beautiful with a lot of flowers blooming right now. Plus, there are fountains spraying water in 2 of the ponds there and there is a lovely Blue Heron that calls Ty Warner home. Pez & I walk our lovely dog, Shadow, at the park quite frequently. If you haven't checked it out, you should sometime. It's worth venturing into the southwest 'burbs for!

8 Miles
The coolest thing about Ty Warner Park is that it has a perfect 1-mile track around the outside of the park. The pavement is perfect blacktop and smooth as a baby's bottom. There are a couple of small hills, which give you a chance to get moving really fast! It really is the perfect place to skate for both beginners and more advanced skaters. There were 6 of us brave enough to venture out at 8:30 on Sunday morning to enjoy the path - Queen B, Penny Pistolwhip, NY Doll, Tuff Cookie, JaxSin (with super cute kidlet in tow), and myself.

Most of us skated 8 miles in about 90 minutes (at a very reasonable pace), but 2 of the ladies finished 10 whole miles. Honestly, it didn't even seem that hard because the path is soooooo nice. I skated 10 miles in the Walk & Roll downtown on the lakefront path and it was almost the death of me. Perhaps next year we should create our own benefit and skate it out at Ty Warner. Yeah...that may be the answer.

Fun in the Sun
The rest of the day was super fantastic. Go.2.Belle and her daughter, S'Katie decided to have a fun playday, so I decided to invite myself along. S'Katie decided it would be fun to check out the splashpad at Ty Warner. I must say, after a long skate and a lot of sweat, I too had to enjoy a bit of the sprinkler systems there. It was very nice to cool off a little. Then we spent the rest of the day shopping and hanging out followed by another trip back to Ty Warner to play on the playground. Overall - a VERY lovely day indeed.

2 More Miles
When I returned home after spending the day with Belle & S'Katie, Pez reminded me that Shadow hadn't enjoyed time at the park that day. So, guess what? We headed BACK to Ty Warner (for the 3rd time) to take Shadow for a 2 mile walk around the park. I bet you can already guess that I slept very well on Sunday night!!

So, for anyone looking to enjoy a day outside - Ty Warner Park may just be the place for you. Don't forget to take your skates!

Evil Queens, burning thighs, and tasty drinks...

2008-07-30T18:38:00.001-07:00

Sunday we had our monthly practice at Lombard Roller Rink. It is so super fun when we practice there. It really is a treat to skate on a big rink rather than our tiny gym w/ a slightly warped wood floor. We can actually build up speed and do some fun stuff without worrying about crashing into walls. Very positive indeed....

The Evil Queen....
Queen B was out on vacation for the past 2 weeks lounging on the beach. First of all, totally unfair for those of us who haven't had time to catch any sun. My legs are so white, they'd scare somebody. Anyway, whenever she misses a few practices, you can be sure you will beat your arse upon her return. Our first task of the day - a series of low lunges (off skates) all the way across the length of the rink. Are you kidding me??? My thighs were burning after the first 10.

After that, she thought it would be really fun to punish her loyal subjects by making us do Kamanda drills (aka throw yourself on the ground and get back up in .2 seconds). WHAT???? We have to do a million lunges and she expects us to drop on a knee and get back up? She kept blowing that whistle every few seconds. For a minute, I thought maybe if I just stayed down, nobody would notice. I should have stomped on her crown right then....

Take 4 Steps...
We continued our afternoon with our 4-step drill. Pick up your feet and take four big steps to the left followed by four big steps to the right. This one is okay - it's good to teach you how to find your balance and to use your core for stability when shifting from one foot to the other. And, it doesn't require abusing the burning thigh muscles that are already worn out. Bonus!!

More Pacelines...
At most of our practices, we work out some sort of paceline. Sunday's paceline combined whipping with racing. Hhhmmmm...interesting combo. So, get in a steady (and yet quick) paceline. The girl in the front sprints around until she reaches the back of the paceline. Once she reaches the back, she weaves between each girl while receiving a "gentle assist" (aka - whip) from each girl until she reaches the front. Once she hits the front, the girl leading the paceline takes off and races the girl who just finished her weaving. It sounds more complicated than it is, but basically you are skating fast, weave from the back of the line to the front, and then race without falling down, giving up, or passing out. Fortunately, I was able to keep up for most of the time....until I had a wheel malfunction.

Stinking Wheels...
I've only been skating since February and I learned that the nuts holding my wheels in place are worn out. This was causing my wheels to vibrate in a very uncool manner (and they kept coming loose). Good thing my wheel didn't fall off during my race! Fortunately, Steve at Lombard is super helpful and fixed them up for me this week (and added some spacers to help with the shaky wheels). It's always nice to have a professional looking out for the well being of my beautiful skates!

Happy Hour - Take 2!
It has become a standing tradition that I host happy hour at my house following the Lombard practices. It's a really good excuse for me to clean my house! This month's house cocktail creation was a Lemon Sparkler which consisted of citrus vodka, limoncello (a treat I actually brought back from Italy), a splash of gin, 2 kinds of lemonade (pink & regular), and club soda. It was another big hit to our guests.

So, what should be the house cocktail at the August happy hour? I was thinking of helping everyone create their own signature drink. People can bring a bottle of their fave liquor and I can provide additions/mixers to help create a drink that reflects their personality and preferences. That sounds fun (plus I could use the leftovers to stock my liquor cabinet...hhhmmm....that could be a very good idea).

The question is this: What type of liquor defines you? I relate best to vodka. I mix well with others, but if you abuse me, I will definitely mess you up!

Shopping for Cherries & Renegade Derby....

2008-07-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

Saturday - Part Deux...
Here is the second installment of Super Fun Saturday!

Following my gig at Baubo's Garden (and a pitcher of margaritas), Pez & I decided to cruise on over to Broken Cherry's shop in Wicker Park to check out the sidewalk sale extravaganza! We barely made it in time - got there 15 minutes before closing time. Beside the fact that they have great stuff (unique t-shirts, handbags, rocker-chic goodies), it was very nice to chat with Belle Diablo and Broken Cherry herself. They have both been super friendly every time I run into them at the shop - or at the WCR bouts. Pez & I each picked up a t-shirt and I got a super cute cherry top to match the cherry bottoms that I purchased here awhile back. Cheers to cherry stuff! So, if you haven't been to Broken Cherry's boutique- you should check it out soon!

The Outfit - Chicago's Derby Little Secret....
Since I love roller derby, it was only a matter of time before we checked out another Chicago derby group - The Outfit. Since the WCR doesn't play again until August, it was a perfect time to check them out. First, the venue was VERY different. They play at the Windy City Fieldhouse, so it's not an "arena" type venue w/ bleachers. There are a bunch of chairs set out around the track. Essentially, it makes most of the seats "suicide seats" - where you run the risk of a girl getting blocked and crashing into your chair. I guess you could consider it forced audience participation!

I felt that the gameplay was a little different than what I am familiar with. Not bad - just different. The Outfit jammers were good at getting thru the pack (as shown by their HUGE win over the Rockford Rage - final score was around 130ish-60ish). But, the blockers from both teams could use some practice at booty blocking. I was very disappointed to see more than one big blocker refrain from using her arse to block the other team. Seriously - if you have a larger-than-average arse - THEN USE IT!!!

I Met New People!!
A perk of checking out the Outfit on Saturday was that I met a lot of new people. The first of which was the Lead Jammer - writer of one of my fave blogs - Derby Haiku. She and I have met in bloggerworld once, but never in person. So, that was very cool to put a face with the blog. Plus, I also ran into Ivy Sedation, Val Capone, and Indy Cent - 3 girls from the WCR. I think it is super fantastic that people playing for different teams (and leagues) can go check out the other bouts and have a great time. That's the cool thing about roller derby - you can be a player, a fan, or a wannbe rollergirl like me - and there is always the common thread of the love of derby.

I'll probably check out future Outfit bouts - as long as they don't conflict with my Penalty Box duties at the WCR matches. Where else is it perfectly acceptable to enjoy drinking cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon??

Viva Underpants!!

2008-07-29T08:56:00.001-07:00

Saturday - Part One....
I had such a super fantastic Saturday that it is worthy of multiple posts.

I know I have told you before that one of our Derby Lite members, Baubolicious (aka Eden), owns a super cute lingerie shop in Forest Park called Baubo's Garden. What you probably DON'T know is that I fancy nice underthings. I'll admit it - I have probably spent more money on fancy skivies (and fishnets) than on shoes (is that even possible??). When Eden mentioned that she was in need of a vacation and didn't have anyone to cover the shop while she was away, I was very quick to volunteer for the job!

I have attended a few parties and special promo events at Baubo's Garden with the Derby Lite ladies. They are always so fun! What I learned during these parties is that I have a knack for recommending items to ladies that will suit each individual body type and make each girl feel great about their own shape. I love it when I suggest something that is out of the norm for someone and they love it! As you know many women are set in their undie-ways.

I had such a great time working in shop on Saturday!! I offered Payne's Personal Panty Shopping services to the Derby Lite girls (and a few non-derby friends too). I had a great turnout with a lot of D'Lite visitors - NY Doll, Dyna-Mo, Hellin Wheels, Kika Boom, among others. Everyone walked out with fantastic goodies and a smile on their face.

So, to all of my loyal Chicagoland readers - I will be working at Baubo's Garden again this Saturday (8/2) from 10a-5p. I would love for all of you to visit me to help you find some new fantastic skivies that will be comfortable, sassy, and will definitely make you feel like a million bucks - even if nobody sees them but you.

PS - For those of you "more adventurous" ladies - Did I mention that Baubo's Garden also has a "tool shed"??

VIVA UNDERPANTS!!!

You put your left foot out.....

2008-07-29T08:28:00.001-07:00

A New Gig.....
A lot of stuff has been going on in my "real life," so I don't want to hear any complaints from the peanut gallery about my lack of posting. I am very excited to announce that I GOT A NEW JOB! I don't want to get into it here (as this forum may not be the best for discussing my professional life). But, what I will say is that my new gig means more $$, a 12 minute commute (rather than my current 50 minute commute each way ), and HUGE opportunities for growth. So yeah...I'm stoked....

Back to Roller Derby....
Last Monday & Tuesday I learned a lot about myself and my skating ability. During my lessons at Lombard on Monday, I was trying to learn how to do a "left mohawk turn." I'm very good with my right mohawk turn (right footed lead, feet spread eagle, then turn), but left - not so much. I learned that I'm not very strong with left-footed leads at all. Dar (my coach at Lombard) told me that step one in learning a left-mohawk is to skate in the counterskate direction (clockwise). WOW!!! This made a HUGE difference. When you are skating in the normal skate direction, it is very foreign to turn with a left food lead. Now - as we all know - practice makes perfect. Note to self - start practicing this turn whenever you are skating clockwise.

It's a Conspiracy!
I'm pretty sure that our guest rollergirl coach and my Lombard coach don't get together to plan my personal skating program. But, this week - I could have sworn that they were conspiring against me! I get to practice and learn that we are going to learn how to "corner" properly with a LEFT FOOT LEAD! Seriously - are you kidding me??? How bizarre is it that we've never focused on left foot leads in lessons or at Derby Lite, and 2 days in a row this is the new focus!! Crazy I tell you!!

The purpose of cornering is to take the turn as close to the inside track line as possible while blocking so girls can't pass you on the inside. Okay, so here's how it works. Put your left foot out in front and your right foot behind. Bend both legs so that you are "sitting" back with your weight on your right heel. Your knees should be soft and your left foot should be slightly angled to the left (to the inside of the track). Square your shoulders to the right so that you can block girls while cornering (and looking behind you). If you're thinking that this is a lot to do at once - You would be correct! We did do this with a right foot lead, but it wasn't as difficult for me (go figure).

I tried and tried and couldn't get myself to go around a cone with a left foot lead. I was all over the place! The coach pointed out that I kept putting my right foot forward (although in my brain, it was the left foot - WTF??). I guess it comes down to that whole muscle memory thing that everyone keeps talking about. Keep doing it over and over and your muscles will remember the motion, making it feel more natural each time.

I am beginning to think that roller derby is directly related to the hokey pokey. You put your left foot in and you shake it all about.....perhaps I shouldn't have sat out during the silly dance at all of those weddings.....

A Confession & An Announcement....

2008-07-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

I feel like you, my readers, are my friends. Who am I kidding? Most of the people that read this blog are my friends! Since you are my friends, I feel like I need to confess. You may want to sit down for this.

I did not try out for the Windy City Rollers this year.

Okay, you can stand again now. I know...the title of this blog is "Becoming a Rollergirl." And I still want to become one for sure. Up until just over a month ago, I had planned on going through with the tryout process. I didn't think I would be selected for the team, but I thought it would be a very good experience for me in the future. Then something changed....One day I was skating and my Derby Lite friends were trying to encourage me to try out. I started thinking...I'm a decent skater with a lot of potential for improvement. I've come a long way since I created my plan to try out for "blogging purposes only."

I looked around and thought...hhhmmm...what if I actually DID make the team? What then??? Right now I have a lot going on in my personal life (like looking for a new job). If I did make the team, I want to be able to give 110% commitment to them. Right now, I can't do that. If I did make the team, I didn't want to have to quit because I couldn't balance a new job and a spot with the Windy City Rollers. Making the decision to hold off on trying out this year was VERY difficult for me. I love roller derby and it would really mean a lot to me to be a member of their team. But, I know this coming year will bring me tons of fun & happiness skating with the D'Liteful Ladies of Derby Lite.

WCR SKATER TOTS - ANNOUNCED!!
I am soooooo proud to report that some of my friends from Derby Lite DID get selected to be the next Windy City Rollers!!! I would like to congratulate these girls for having the courage and the drive to work their arses off to become real rollergirls!

Nancy Pagan (Kristen), Sue Perduper (Karen), Hermoine Danger (Tammy), and our resident arse-kicking-trainer - Pominatrix (Trisha).

I can't wait to cheer you on when you finally make it to the floor as a Windy City Roller!! Just don't expect me to talk to you when you get sent to the penalty box.....

I am a slacker - in more ways than one...

2008-07-21T13:35:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I know I've been slacking on my blogger duties....I'm behind the ball.....I'll try to make up for it today.

Last Tuesday, yes nearly a week ago, we had a guest coach for the day. She wasn't feeling 100% fantastic, which stinks for her and for us! Anytime our coaches aren't feeling well, it means we will bust our arses even harder! Tuesday night was no exception.

Turn & Run...
Our first drill of the night was a combination of whistle turns and running on toe stops. It was crazy madness! Basically, when you hear one whistle blow you are to turn around and skate backward (or if you are backward, turn and skate forward). When skating backwards, if you hear 2 whistles, you are to stop on both toe stops and RUN forward. Yeah, it ended up being a bit of a cluster. Nobody (including me) could remember which direction we should be skating. I blame the heat for making us all unable to focus. It was pretty stinking hot in the gym!

Skate FASTER!!!!
Our next drill was a super fast paceline. When she yelled and told us to skate faster she really meant it. Basically, skate really stinking fast and keep spacing intact for the paceline. The person in the back sprints 1 lap. On their second lap, the leader of the paceline joins them for a race. When you are already skating in a fast paceline, sprinting is VERY difficult. When it was my turn to race, I stepped out of the paceline and fell...right...on...my...face. Fortunately I am pretty good at falling without hurting myself, so I got back up in .2 seconds and continued my race.

My performance in this drill was lame. I felt like such a slacker! I had trouble keeping up, got a bad cramp in my side, and had a charliehorse in my foot. What the hell was wrong with me?? I would have loved to blame it on the fact that I went skating the night before and was a little tired. But, I don't think that was it. I think I just didn't have my head in the right place and I let the wimpy girl inside me show herself. I hate that girl! I had to sit out for a minute to try to catch my breath (and try to work out the cramps). I did jump back in for another race - and I didn't fall that time!

Yet Another Paceline...
Our second paceline was one that I hear is used by a local derby team. Get into a paceline. When you hear the whistle, skate toward the nearest line, touch it, and immediately get back into line as fast as you can. While you are doing this, any girl behind you that is faster at getting back into the line can pass you at will. Let's just say I started near the front and ended up near the back. I did not do very well at all with this drill. Cramping didn't go away, I thought for a minute that I was gonna barf. The heat (combined with not eating enough) really took a toll on me. So, I ended up stepping out of the paceline and just skating around the gym so I wouldn't totally give up.

GET BACK IN THE GAME!
Hopefully I can get my head out of my arse sooner rather than later so I can get back in the game and start skating up to my full ability again. I think some outside stress is affecting my skating right now, which is totally unacceptable.

I think I blame all of this on the fact that it is summer and, therefore, too hot for kneesocks. I hate to wish away summer, but I sure do miss my kneesocks.....

5 days of work = 1 day to play...

2008-07-14T13:05:00.001-07:00

I (heart) Dick Cheese

My goodness, I do love a good fun-filled Saturday. This past Saturday was crazy busy, but super fun indeed. It began at Tsubo for a personal training session with my favorite arse-kicker, Pominatrix. She thought it would be fun to beat me up a little to make me earn the massage I had scheduled for later in the morning. I hate to admit it, but I did enjoy the workout. She is great at tailoring a workout to my specific needs. After the workout, I had a fantastic massage (courtesy of winning the Sex & The City Quiz at Baubo's Garden awhile back). Michelle at Tsubo is a miracle worker. Since I sit in front of a computer all day, I build up a lot of tension in my neck & shoulders. She had the magic touch because I have felt fantastic for the last 2 days.

Continue getting happy.....

Following the massage, it was time for happy hour at home with Pez. We had already decided to take the train downtown for the evening's festivities, so we didn't have to worry about driving anywhere for the rest of the day. The evening started with dinner at the House of Blues. Dinner was okay - nothing to write home about, but the key lime pie was fantastic! After a few more cocktails, it was time for the highlight of the evening: a live performance by Richard Cheese & the Lounge Against the Machine (see photo above).

If you haven't ever heard of Richard Cheese, you are missing out. He sings lounge versions of popular songs. My favorites include Down With the Sickness, Toxic, Baby Got Back, Shake Ya A(rse), Creep, Hot for Teacher, and Closer. Totally hilarious indeed. Play one of his CDs in your car when you have passengers and don't tell them what it is. See how long it takes them to realize that Dick is singing a song that they know. Then they will laugh (and so will you). I saw Dick in concert last year and he was pretty stinking funny then too. The band is really fantastic and Dick's voice is perfect in its loungy-ness (yes, I just made up my own word).

After working 5 days, it sure was nice to have one day to play.

Finding Mojo = Serious Bruising...

2008-07-08T06:50:00.000-07:00

As promised, here is the photo of the bruise I aquired last Tuesday after finding my mojo. I especially like the fact that this photo was taken outside at the parade on Friday, so it has a lovely flowery border. Hahaha!

The sad thing is that my bruise wasn't the largest that appeared that night. NY Doll's thigh/arse bruise would definitely win the prize this week. You'll have to search the net to find photos of her bruise!

A Taste of the Taste....

2008-07-07T12:53:00.000-07:00

I feel a little tired today. We entertained some family over the weekend and were busy the entire time. I need a nap. Perhaps I had too many beers over the course of the weekend. Perhaps I am just getting cranky in my old age. Either way, here are the highlights and lowlights of going to the Taste of Chicago this weekend.

HIGHLIGHTS - Stuff I ate...

BBQ Twists (Soul Vegetarian East) - Who would have thought that veggies could taste so good?? This thing was basically deep-fried wheat gluten (heavily spiced) smothered in bbq sauce. The vegan Gyro was pretty stinking good too. I need to search out this restaurant because I could get seriously addicted to this stuff.
Rice Pudding w/ Mango & Dried Cranberries (The Grill on the Alley) - okay, YUM! Great twist on an old classic. No cinnamon in sight. Very light, creamy, and mangolicious.
Pad Thai (Star of Siam) - I eat this every year at the Taste and look forward to it. The sauce is lighter than most other super sweet pad thai. I've been to the restaurant before and it was good then too. It's not the BEST I've ever had, but hey - I like it, so maybe you will too.
Roasted corn (don't remember where from). MMMMmmm...sweet corn....
Watermelon (Dominick's) - Okay, this may seem like a strange thing to add. I needed to use up my 2 remaining tickets, so watermelon was the only choice. I have to say - it was very refreshing and deliciously perfect. Great way to end the day.

LOWLIGHTS - Stuff I hate.....

Stinking train being over an hour late to Westmont station, starting us off to arrive at the Taste 2 hours behind schedule. (read my previous post about tardiness)
VERY large breasts in VERY tiny shirts. I must have missed the memo instructing women to wear the smallest, most cleavage bearing top ever when going to the Taste. I was a little tired of worrying about whether these poor women's boobs were gonna pop right out of their shirts. Hey, I like to show a little cleavage now and then too, but keep your girls at least partially covered, would you? (note - this also applies to people wearing Daisy Dukes and have no business doing so).
Advertising a product and then not having it available - (Bobtail Ice Cream). Pez & I walked back & forth twice to their stand (the first kiosk was closed, but was still listed on the map). We were excited to try the Merlot Chocolate Chip ice cream that was written up in the Tribune. Of course, after what seemed like a 2-mile walk from one kiosk to the other, they had run out of the merlot chocolate chip. Totally unacceptable.
Crappy Beer. If you're gonna charge a million tickets for beer, then perhaps you could offer something more appealing than Bud Light or that crappy lime beer.
People, people, people EVERYWHERE!!! I stopped apologizing for running into someone after the first 10.

Just skip it...

We usually skip going to the Taste unless we have visitors. I think next year I will host my own "Taste" party. I will invite all of my friends over and ask them to bring over take-out food from their fave local restaurant. Then everyone can sample Chicago's offerings without having to deal with a bazillion people. Mark your calendars now. I promise there won't be a Bud Light in sight....

Everyone loves a parade....

2008-07-07T12:10:00.000-07:00

That's me on the far right w/ striped kneesocks, of course!

July 4th.......
How did you spend your July 4th holiday this year? My day began by representing Derby Lite in the Oak Park Parade! We had quite a few ladies show up to enjoy the day by skating the 1.5 mile path. We were sandwiched between 2 political groups, so I think the parade planners did well at breaking up the "stuffiness" by throwing us into the mix.

Fortunately, we were 4th in line, so we didn't have to dodge the candy remnants that were left behind by parade participants throwing candy to the crowd. We handed out jawbreakers and little keychains w/ a roller skate attached. The only downside is that we actually had to HAND the stuff to people rather than throwing it. I never realized how drastically the road slopes as you get to the curb. I almost fell a couple of times while trying to hand out goodies to the crowd. Good thing I didn't, because I definitely would have been forced to use a spectator and their children as my landing pad.

A Giant Roller skate....
I definitely think we were the hit of the parade. I mean hey, how often does the general public get to check out a bunch of derby girls in fishnets AND see the worlds largest roller skate??? We even made the local news. Very exciting indeed.

Summer in the Windy City....
Hope you all had a fabulous long weekend! For those of you not in Chicago this past weekend - YOU MISSED OUT!!! It was so beautiful outside - we couldn't have asked for better weather. I hope that my readers from far away lands had an equally fantastic weekend!

I found my Mojo - twice!

2008-07-02T11:01:00.000-07:00

Monday night I went to skating lessons at Lombard with Pez as usual. Upon my arrival, he asked if I wanted some new wheels for my skates. Hhhhmmm..... I don't NEED new wheels, but I would LOVE new wheels! So, he hooked me up with a set of blue Mojos and a set of super-fast Swiss bearings. They are so much flashier than my old Fugitive wheels, and hey, they serve an important purpose too. The metal hub helps reduce the flexing that happens when you have a nylon hub, which makes it easier to push and takes less energy. I'm all for saving my energy! The only downside is that they don't come in purple. I'll get over it somehow.

Whistle Turns on Tuesday...
We had a guest rollergirl coach last night. I love it when she is there to lead practice. I know I will get my arse kicked with a super hard practice, but for some reason, I still look forward to it. I was trying to get used to my new Mojo wheels before she arrived. I feel faster with them than with my old wheels. I had to really be careful not to let my feet get out from under me because the roll is so much easier with these wheels.

Our first drill of the night was "whistle turns." Skate forward. When the whistle blows, you turn 180 degrees quickly to skate backwards. Another whistle, then turn around again and skate forwards. You may have 30 seconds between whistles, you may have 5 seconds, so you have to pay attention and have the ability to turn quickly without losing your balance. With this we practices 1-foot turns, mohawk turns, and jump turns (jump up and turn around at the same time, landing in the opposite direction). Fortunately, I skate backwards pretty well (a skill I learned in 3rd grade that came back to me quickly). Thanks to my lessons at Lombard Roller Rink and a lot of practice, I can turn around (counterclockwise) pretty well too (note to self - start practicing turning clockwise so you can turn both ways). I was pretty pleased when Queen B yelled at me from across the gym to recognize my mad turning skills.

3 Girls in a Waterfall.....
Our next drill was waterfalls in groups (packs) of 3. It was pretty cool - we rotated groups every 2 minutes so we would get used to skating with different people. At one point, we changed it up a bit to have the back blocker (blocker 3) act as a jammer to try to pass the Pivot & Wingman (blockers 1 & 2) either in the middle or on the inside. I was pretty happy that I got past my blockers each time it was my turn.

To change it up even more, 1 group was selected to be the jammers. Because I picked the right number, my group was to jam first. Each of the 3 jammers positioned themselves randomly around the track. We had 4 packs of 3 blockers to get past. The blockers were to use their waterfalls to "confuse" the jammers and keep us behind their pack. I can't even tell you how excited I was to make it thru each of the 4 packs. Somehow I found the holes and made my way thru. Yeah me!! I'll try to forget the fact that I bit it really hard at the end of my run as a jammer and "jammed" my toe pretty badly. It's okay, but I may lose a toenail....

Scrimmage Time....
Our guest coach decided we were ready for a scrimmage. We formed 2 teams and stepped up to the line. Pom & Poppy were the first 2 jammers, while Belle & I were the first 2 pivots (the last line of defense). It was RAD!!!! I managed to successfully block Pom (which is always an accomplishment) and I gave Poppy a whip to help her thru the pack. I did fall once, but I got back up (in .2 seconds, of course) and caught right up to the pack. Maybe I am pivot material.....the jury is still out on that one.

Our second jam I was the back blocker (essentially, the first line of defense). I was pretty excited again when I was able to give Hermoine a whip to help her thru the pack. What wasn't exciting was when someone blocked me into a wall causing a massive pileup of girls in the last 5 seconds of the jam. I landed with my right hip on someone's skate and tangled up with someone else (pretzel-style) with another skate smashing into my right shin. DANG!! It hurt immediately, but I was able to get up and keep moving, so that was positive. But, I did sit out the last jam to assess the damage.

Minor Injury Recap...
In only 1 night, I managed to wind up with a jammed toe, swollen & scraped up right shin, floor burn and bruising on left forearm/elbow, tenderness on right hip (bruise yet to form), and a painful VERY swollen huge red bruise on my left hip. I had to make a conscious effort to wear a loose-fitting skirt today because I can't put any pressure on my hip. I promise to provide a photo of the latest battle wound as soon as it turns from red to black&blue. It currently ranks as #2 of my worst bruising since joining Derby Lite

Finding my Mojo...
Maybe it was my new wheels (and my new laces w/ skulls & crossbones) that helped me find my hidden rollergirl mojo last night. I wasn't afraid of falling, or of anything really. I felt like I found my place as a blocker and that I could have confidence as a jammer too. It was fantastic when Hermoine Danger very excitedly threw her hands up in the air at the end of practice and announced that the scrimmage was AWESOME.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Tardiness & a fishnet malfunction.....

2008-06-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

I really didn't feel like going to practice last night. I got stuck in traffic for nearly an hour on the way, so I was already pissy when I arrived 5 minutes late. I hate tardiness. It is one of my biggest pet peeves. I am very rarely late to anything (to the point that it is annoying to Pez that I have to be the first arrival at every party because I hate being late). I follow the philosophy that I learned from Tom Broka, my high-school band director:

"To be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be LATE."

It's funny how that stuff sticks with you thru your life. It's proven to be a good rule to live by for me. So, you can imagine how frustrating it is when I am late for something and I had NO control over it (other than giving myself 2 hours to drive the 15 miles to practice, which is ridiculous). Anyway....

Waterfalls....
Last night we did the waterfall drill again (blocking drill w/3 people). It went pretty well, actually. For my first run, I was teamed up with Queen B and Baubolicious. It's always good when you work directly with your coach so you learn the "right" way to do it. Working with B was really helpful to fully understand the purpose of the movement and position of each girl. When I teamed up with Pistol & Belle, I felt like we were doing a great job at keeping the jammers out. It always helps when you find your groove with your team. And it always boosts my confidence when our group keeps really good skaters like Hermoine Danger from busting thru the pack!!

My feet hurt....bad!
I don't know what the problem is, but my feet have really been aching the past few times I have been skating. There is some strange rubbage happening on the outside of my right foot all of a sudden. I loosened my trucks this week, so maybe that has something to do with it?? I have to do something about it. Foot pain is no good in roller derby. Pom suggested I get myself a pair of Superfeet insoles. Anybody out there ever try these things? If so, let me know if they are worth spending $40 on.

Fishnet malfunction...
Last night's outfit consisted of my fave blue Rollergirl skirt and black Fitness T (both from Skirtsports). I wanted something to match my Bazooka Gum socks, so I threw on a new pair of footless fishnet tights. They are different than regular fishnets - this pair isn't netting to the top - they have a regular top like tights and the fishnet legs are attached to it. I know it's hard to describe, but just imagine. Anyway, within 5 minutes of putting on my pads, I realized that the top of my fishnets had a semi-large hole forming. The Velcro on my pads must have caught on the netting. By the end of the night I had a full fishnet blowout. The entire thigh & butt ripped completely apart. I looked like a cheap hooker for sure.

To make things even better, we played Duck-Duck-Goose in skates. So, every time I was "goosed" I had to jump up to chase the "gooser". Poor girls sitting across the circle from me got flashed every time I had to jump up. Sorry girls! I had no idea that my $2 fishnets would disposable after only 1 wear!

Good thing my skirts have built-in drawers to protect me in case of any future fishnet malfunctions.

Ramblings on Monday....

2008-06-23T13:15:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted today. I just had to crack open a Rock Star energy drink to help me stay awake for the rest of the day. If you haven't tried it, I would recommend you do sometime. I can only drink half of the can or I get the shakes, but hey - if you need to wake up quickly - Rock Star should be your new best friend. It kicks Red Bull's arse for sure.

I had a super fun weekend, which is why I am so tired today. I hosted Derby Lite happy hour at my house on Sunday. All of the laughing, drinking, and eating took a toll on me today!

Skating on a big floor - What a treat!
Practice yesterday was held at Lombard Roller Rink. It is always a treat when we have practice at a rink rather than the tiny gym we usually skate in. We also invited some prospective Derby Lite members to join us to skate. Seeing the new girls rolling around reminded me what it was like that first day for me. If you haven't heard about my first practice with Derby Lite, I encourage you to read my post from February titled "The Payne Was D. Spence'd - ON ME". I didn't see any of the new girls crash as hard as I did my first time, which is definitely positive. I did feel for the girls because we started our practice with my favorite Kamanda drills (aka throw yourself on the ground and get back up in .2 seconds). We did this on my first day too and I thought I was gonna die. Now, 4 months later, I can fall down and get back up without worrying about passing out! Hooray for progress!!

Happy Hour.....
I love a good party. I love HOSTING a good party even more. Fortunately, when you have a hot tub on your patio, it's not too difficult to entice people to stop by for happy hour. Plus, I like to make cocktails. I pride myself on creating delicious libations for my guests to enjoy. For Sunday's Derby Lite Happy Hour, the house cocktail was a "Gentler Hit." The Gentler Hit tasted delicious, but did have a bit of a kick (much stronger than you even realized because it tasted soooooo good). It was created in honor of the color pink in Derby Lite's color scheme. It was a vodka based cocktail w/citrus and cranberry vodkas, triple sec, cranberry juice, lots of fresh squeezed lime, and club soda. It was a very lovely pale pink cocktail indeed. I wish I had one right now.....

At the last party, I created a cocktail in honor of the brown in Derby Lite's color scheme to help cure the "saggier tit." It was a coffee based drink packed with caffeine, booze, and sweet liquors to give the D'Lite girls a buzz to help them stand up tall and perk up their assets.

After all, Derby Lite's tagline is "Gentler Hits with Saggier Tits - Roller Derby for Women Old Enough to Know Better." I guess I'm old enough, but I may not be old enough to know better quite yet.

Dirty little secrets....

2008-06-19T19:48:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I have a secret. I'm addicted to Rollergirls - the A&E show. I know, it's so lame. I came home one night and the DVDs of season 1 were sitting on my kitchen counter. Pez thought it would be fun to watch. And it is (when it's late and you don't feel like spending any more of your brainpower on anything). It's almost like when The Real World started on MTV. Deep down, you knew the show was a waste of 30 minutes. But, you still found yourself getting sucked in. Honestly, I don't give 2 craps about the drama. I just like to watch them skate. And knock chicks down. Hard. And get ideas for my future derby outfits.

But, I will say this since you already know that I am Wonder Woman underneath my clothes.....one of the skaters on "Rollergirls" said something that hit home to me the other night when I was watching. I think this sums up why I want to be a rollergirl:

"Roller derby gives you the knowledge that
you are a super hero and you don't have to wear a cape...but you do get to wear
the tights."

In the past week I have worn a cape and tights. Does that mean I will have super derby powers??? I think so. I'll just have to remember to use my powers for good and not evil....

One second less....

2008-06-19T19:35:00.001-07:00

Good evening, ladies & gentlemen...

This will be short and sweet because I am tired and I am ready to chill out with a glass of wine and relax after a VERY long day. Tuesday's practice was rad. We had time trials and once again - I beat my previous time. WOO HOO!!! I'm still not the fastest skater in Derby Lite, but I started with a time of 31 seconds and I am now at 27 seconds after only 4 months....If things keep going like this - those "faster" girls had better watch out. For Sure.

In addition to my superfly time trial, we played rollersoccer (which you know I love). But this time it turned into roller dodgeball. That Pom - she is a sneaky little devil. She was hoarding all of the balls and then whipping them at unsuspecting skaters. Just when you thought it was safe....WHACK! A ball comes flying into your helmet. Nice....

You'd better watch your back, Pom.....I'm catching up and I will take you down....

A Revolving Door to the Box....

2008-06-17T07:02:00.001-07:00

Pilates, anyone???
Saturday was a super busy day for me. I started out the day by driving downtown to attend pilates class at Pominatrix' salon, Tsubo. She was nice enough to invite the Derby Lite ladies to participate in her class so she would have some "friendlies" in the room. I have never attended a fitness class in my life. The only pilates I have ever done is during the warm ups at practice. I wonder if Pom is sorry she invited me, since I am fitness-retarded. Seriously - I have bad balance and kept looking at her, so I wasn't "elongating my spine" because I was trying to mimic her movements. Fortunately she is VERY patient and was willing to reposition me when needed. I guess I must have done something right because my abs and thighs hurt on Sunday...I guess pilates on Saturday will be a recurring gig.....

I Heart Roller Derby.....
Saturday night was the first home game of the Windy City All-Stars team. This is the travel team that is comprised of the best girls from each of the Chicago teams (Hells Belles, Manic Attackers, The Fury, and the Double Crossers). Saturday night, the Windy City girls faced the Dairyland Dolls of Madison, Wisconsin. It is awesome that Derby Lite was invited again to work the penalty box. I LOVE working the box. It's the best view in the house and it gives me an opportunity to look the part of rollergirl in public (instead of just at practice).

Revolving doors....
Both teams were out for blood. I hear that there was a grudge leftover from the match up of these 2 teams from last season. You could tell that they both wanted to win more than ever! These chicks were NOT messing around. Girls were knocking each other down left and right. They were ready to kick arse and take names! The first half, Pom & I were the keepers in the WCR penalty box. I tell you what - there was definitely a revolving door to our box that night. We consistently had 2 girls serving time with 1 on deck for the first 10 minutes of the game (and that Varla was visitor #1 and #2 - playing rough is her bag for sure). I recall hearing girls say "I knew I'd get sent to the box, but I had to take her out!" Too funny....

Malice was charming as ever once again. Upon entering the box, she greeted us with a "hey ladies, nice to see you again." And, of course, she tried to get me to laugh or talk to her by making jokes or something. She's just so stinking nice! Unfortunately for me (but good for her), she only visited me once during the first period (then I moved to the visitor's box). Malice - you're welcome in the box anytime!

A Mad Rollin' Funk...
We love the Mad Rollin' Dolls. They are all super nice - until they get penalties called on them and are sent to the box. They sure do have foul mouths!! I thought I talked like a sailor, but I've got nothin' on those girls! They had to be reprimanded by Valerie of the Dolls (our penalty box ref) for rude language and entering the box skates-first (this is dangerous to the keepers, because the girls can knock us down if they have no control when they enter the box). Their milkmaid uniforms were definitely misleading - these are NOT good little milkmaids!!

I hate to say this, but it has to be put out there. When you play roller derby, it's hard core and you sweat. A Lot. Cicero Stadium is consistently about 95 degrees or hotter. Combine that with the all-girl-roller-derby-action and you get a VERY stinky group of ladies. Those Dairlyland Dolls could win a prize for stinkiest rollergirls. For sure.

Fortunately, the WCR girls were able to bring a WIN back to Chicago. Kick. Arse.

All Rollergirls - READ THIS!!
Since this is now my 3rd time working the box, I thought I would send a message to all "real" rollergirls out there. Here are a few things I would like to remind you of on behalf of the Penalty Box Bitches....

No, we do not know what you were called on. Don't bother asking.
Don't yell at us - we're just the timekeepers. We don't make the rules.
Yes, it is bullshit when you get sent to the box. We know because you tell us every time.
Please don't enter the box skates first. I like my toes and would like to keep them for awhile.
We will not tell you how much time the OTHER team has left in the box, so don't ask.
When you are called out to serve time, be sure to stop at the box without passing it. We don't like to have to send you back around - but we will.
Visiting teams - please lean forward so we can read your name (or just tell us) since we have to refer to you specifically when informing you of your time.
We can't talk to you. You can talk to us all you want, but don't expect a reply (except for a flashy smile if you are trying to mess w/us - Malice - I'm talking to you).
Please wash your pads sometime. Seriously - they smell worse than you even realize.
Love your penalty box bitches. We are there because we love you!!

This has been Payne D. Spencer, your penalty box bitch, reporting from the box. This report has been sponsored by Febreeze and Secret (strong enough for a man, yet made for a woman - PERFECT for derby girls...hint hint).

The Debut of Wonder Woman....

2008-06-11T11:39:00.000-07:00

1982 - When I was a kid, I had a serious fascination with Wonder Woman. As far as super heros go, she was tops for me (and she had dark hair, so I could imagine that I was her). For those of you old enough to remember - I had a pair of Wonder Woman Underoos to help me in my quest for super powers. I knew it would be a great day when I got to wear them to school under my clothes. Yeah - underoos kicked arse.

Fast forward to Christmas 2007. My lovely sister, Georgie, sent me the most fantastic gift. Wonder Woman Underoos - for adults!!! When I first joined Derby Lite, I told Pez that I was going to wear them on their own to practice someday to give me superhero skating powers. Well, last night was the night - the debut of Wonder Woman!!

Fall down & get back up in .2 seconds....
We started the night practicing our falls. This stinking rubber floor really does take some getting used to. Drop on left knee...drop on right knee....get up...fall down...spin around...do the hokey pokey. Okay, not really, but you get the point. I think it will take more than 1 practice to feel comfortable with the floor. Plus, you have to push harder from your heel to avoid getting blisters on the ball of your foot (note to self - work harder on this because your skin is getting soft on your right foot). Blisters are no fun.

You will race and you will sweat...
We split up into groups of 2 into our standard rat race (1 lap slalom around cones, 1 lap swizzle, one lap SPRINT). It's always fun to have races because it gives everyone a chance to both rest and kick arse at the same time. Always a good choice to have a race. Last night I had to race against Pominatrix. I'm sure I've told you about her before, but in case I didn't (or you haven't been diligent readers), she is super good. 'Nuff said. But, the coolest thing was that I kept right up with her and SHE DID NOT TAKE ME!!! Just for the record - this is a major skating accomplishment. Very exciting indeed.

What wasn't exciting is that my team lost 2 times, so we had to do 2 sets of pushups. I have to admit - pushups are NOT fun for me. Nope - not at all. I'll have to start working harder at beating Pom instead of just keeping up with her. I'll do just about anything to avoid doing more pushups. Especially when you lay down to get in "plank position" and sweat is dripping from your helmet. DISGUSTING!!!

A "Whipping" Paceline...
Paceline du jour was a weaving paceline, but you were to receive a "gentle assist" (aka - a whip) from each girl in front of you. If done properly, the girl weaving shouldn't really have to do anything except get propelled from each girl, pushing her to the front of the paceline. I really enjoyed this paceline. Each girl took 2 turns as the weaver and then the "fun" began....

Queen B called out 2 names to have a race. You really have to push it on the new floor to pick up any speed. I think I had Wonder Woman super powers because I had to race Poppy Z Fite....and she said that I beat her ( although she may have just been trying to boost my confidence). I couldn't tell, but I guess I'll agree if she said so! Haha! Anyway, Poppy is SUPER fast, so the fact that I kept up with her meant that the power of the stars on my panties definitely gave me super roller speed!

Am I still skating???
After everything else we did, at the end of our races, that stinking Evil Queen didn't think she had beat us up enough. We continued in a paceline, but picked up speed a ton. We were to end the night with 5 more minutes of a very fast paceline. I think I was grunting thru about half of it wondering if I was gonna pass out. Every minute she called seemed like FOREVER and I think she may have added a minute or two....I wouldn't put it past her....

I got home last night wearing my Wonder Woman getup and Pez just laughed at me. As Pistol told me last night, I need to get some red patent leather boots and have wheels put on them. So, keep your eyes peeled for some red boots for me.....or a gold lasso....

Wearing a cape attracts the weirdos...

2008-06-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

Fishnets & Two Fish

Summerfest In Forest Park

Derby Lite has a new sponsor - Two Fish Art Glass. Fortunately for us, the owners, Cec & Tanya, have a great sense of humor. In return for their sponsorship, they asked that 6 Derby Lite girls don full gear and skate around during Summerfest in Forest Park to promote Two Fish. They thought it would be extra cool if we wore capes too. Okay, seriously - how often do I have the opportunity to skate around in public wearing fishnets AND a cape? I can honestly say never (although I may have thought about it before). So yeah, I was into it...for sure.

People in Forest Park were really open to talking to us and hearing about Two Fish and their stained glass classes. It's always good when you are promoting a great product and having fun at the same time! I can't tell you how many smiles, laughs, and all around odd looks we received from people as we skated around. Plus, there could be worse ways to spend a Saturday afternoon than skating around with your friends talking to cool people - unless you have to talk to the weirdos too.

I am a weirdo magnet...

I don't get it. Let me remind you that there were 6 Derby Lite girls skating around in full gear. 3 of the 6 were wearing capes (me included). So, it's not like I was the ONLY girl skating around. The weirdos did have a choice as to who they would approach. I guess it was my lucky day because every weirdo dude approached me! Why not Queen B? Why not Vivi??? I wasn't even wearing kneesocks to make me stand out - so why pick me???

Here's the breakdown of the weirdos I had to deal with on Saturday.

Weirdo #1 had 1 black tooth in his mouth. He had a strange glazed look in his eye. Kept checking me out followed by telling me how "hot" I was. I tried to walk away and he kept talking. GROSS! Queen B saw him again later and tried to get me to go say hello to my new boyfriend. (note to self - next time send all weirdos to talk to the evil Queen).
Weirdo #2 had very dirty clothes, was stumbling, had very scary smile (didn't notice if he had teeth), and then wanted to take my picture. I thought he was kidding until he whipped out a camera and wanted me to pose in the middle of the street. He kept changing the angle of the camera about 10 times in 2 minutes. I don't even want to think about what that dude will be doing with the pictures later.
Weirdo #3 looked like an overweight hippy, but he was WASTED. First he asked me to take off my shades and proceeded to tell me "Yeah, baby - that's what I like." Then asked me to lift up my cape (which I politely declined). Then he asked me to lift up my skirt, at which point I ran away and darted immediately to the beer stand so Tanya could buy me a beer.

I have to say, I was a little relieved when the rain started. It sure was coming down! I think it put all of the weirdos into hiding for a short period of time - thank goodness!! Overall it was a great day and I will look forward to promoting Two Fish again in the future.

I think in the future, we will have to add a "clause" to agreements with our sponsors to charge them 1 beer for every weirdo that we get stuck talking to while we are promoting them.

Rubber floors and booty blocks...

2008-06-07T05:52:00.000-07:00

Again, I must begin with an apology for my loyal readers for getting behind in my posting. It's been a CRAZY busy week this week. I promise to find time to get back to my regular posting schedule this week if it kills me!

New location - A Rubber Floor!!
This week we moved our practice location to the Forest Park Middle School. It's not far from our normal practice location, so that was cool. Upon first entering the gym, all I could think was that it was palace just waiting for the ladies-in-skating to arrive. It is HUGE compared to our normal practice space. But, I noticed there was an extra spring in my step as I walked across the floor (and it wasn't just excitement to be in a huge gym). The floor is rubber! How crazy - I've never really seen anything like it. I thought, hey, rubber is good. It will be softer on my arse when I fall on it! But...there are challenges to a rubber floor.

As you know, we do a lot of falling drills to prepare us for playing "real" roller derby. Tuesday night was no different. On a regular wood gym floor, you will slide when you fall. Not on this floor - no way. I had to essentially re-train myself to fall. Once you put a knee on the ground, there is no sliding. You are jolted to a complete stop (and must protect yourself from being jerked forward and hitting your face on the floor). Seriously - it was a little scary at first. Fortunately I was able to get some one-on-one instruction on how to fall on the new surface. The trick is to lean back when you drop to a knee. For all of you DL girls reading this - IT WORKS! Once I was told how to do this, I was off to the races. Falling can be fun!

HOLY HEAT BATMAN!
Okay, seriously - what is with the lack of air conditioning in elementary or middle-school gyms? It had to be over 90 degrees in that place on Tuesday. I just keep reminding myself that maybe the heat is good for me. Here is my list of why it is good to skate in a ridiculously hot gym.

I'm losing extra pounds by sweating, right?
We have to eat chocolate during practice because we lose energy faster when it is so hot in the gym.
I think the heat helps me to stay relaxed and get less muscle cramps.
Some guys enjoy the farm animal smell we aquire when we are sweating like pigs (hopefully Pez is one of them).

I am a booty blocker...

Our big drill of the night was called "Chase the pack." You line up as if you were starting a roller derby jam, except the 2 jammers start out laying on their backs and have to jump up when their whistle blows. The jammers sprint to catch the pack, but when the whistle blows, they have to fall and get back up (essentially giving the pack a chance to get away). The pack is trying to catch the slowest jammer and the jammers are trying to catch the pack. It was fun! Being a jammer was exhausting for sure. I'm still working on that whole endurance thing, but I did make it thru the whole thing without quitting (which is always my goal now).

The coolest thing was when I was acting as the pivot - "the last line of defense" in the pack of blockers. I felt really good about it. I was surprised that I can look behind me and still skate forward without crashing into people too badly. I can identify the location of the jammers and tell my team where they are. The best was after my blocking time was over, I looked to the sidelines and saw NY Doll pointing at me then shouted:

"Payne is an awesome booty blocker!"

So you'd better watch out - I've got a booty and I know how to use it.

Last Tuesday - a week behind....

2008-06-02T17:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know - I KNOW!! I'm a little behind on posting. It's been really busy and I have no good excuse except that I am sick of sitting in front of my computer all day and then all night to blog. It's a problem, I tell ya! So anyway, I'm gonna type fast - so keep up!

Last Tuesday was a guest coach night. It was a good night for it, because I hadn't skated in a week because Pez & I went camping, so I had to miss a practice (boo hoo - missing practice stinks!! Anyway, she definitely got us moving quickly.

Interval Sprints...oh joy!
She had us skate interval sprints - 30 seconds sprinting, followed by 30 seconds skating regular. Each interval increased by 15 seconds until we hit 1.5 minutes (then we decreased each by 15 seconds). It was really hard. I could really tell that I had missed a practice. I made it thru it, but I can't say I enjoyed myself much.

Running on Skates
When you watch a "derby regular" match, you will see that a lot of the girls run on their toestops when they fall down or begin a jam. I had never tried doing it until Tuesday. Dang..it's hard! Not only do you have to keep your balance, but you also have to find the correct positioning to actually step on the flat part of the toestop (or you will fall immediately). Our guest rollergirl said the best way to do it is to "duck walk" - squat down and really pick up your leg from the knee rather than picking up just a foot. I guess I need more practice since she said I was standing up too straight and I looked like "Twinkletoes". I've been called worse....

Our Lucky Night - 2 Pacelines!
It was decided that we would perform 2 different pacelines. The first one had the girl in the back sprinting to each girl ahead of her and doing a plow stop in front of each girl to slow down the line. The purpose is that the entire line will have to slow down quickly, so you are forced to work on your plow stops. Okay, seriously - I don't know what to do about my lack of plow-stop expertise. I keep trying and I don't think they are getting any better. It stinks when you feel like you are not progressing.

Anyway, paceline #2 involved shoulder and back blocking. Girl in the back of the paceline skates in front of each girl in front of her by giving her a shoulder/back block and does this to each girl until she reaches the front. Blocking is fun, so this was okay for me. Not bad overall.....

So, that's it for Tuesday. Not too exciting, I know. I've really gotta keep up with the blogging on a regular basis. This week I've been called a slacker for neglecting my blogger duties. Tell me something I don't already know...

Bondage anyone??

2008-05-21T07:58:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness, I was sooo tired yesterday. I definitely think it takes 2 days to feel the pain from falling or skating 10 miles. It was so strange - my shoulders and arms were more sore than my feet and legs after skating Sunday. This was probably due to the fact that I was really tense while I was skating, building up soreness in my neck & shoulders. The pain got so bad yesterday that I had difficulty turning my head to the left. I considered going to the doctor, but a couple of people suggested I try using Tiger Balm first. Fortunately, I pass a Whole Foods on my way to practice, so I stopped to pick some up. WOW!!! That stuff is awesome. I rubbed some on my neck & shoulder and within 15 minutes, the pain had subsided and I could turn my head again! Hooray!! It really helped to relax the muscles and it doesn't even smell that bad (menthol scent doesn't linger too long). I got thru the entire practice without pain, so I was very happy about that. I hear the stuff is also good to rub on your temples if you suffer from migraine headaches. I applied another bit before bed last night and I woke up feeling great this morning. 2 Gold Stars to Tiger Balm!!!

Get out the ropes (okay, ribbons)...

Tuesday's practice was semi-light since many of us were still spent from the 10-mile skate on Sunday. So, we just had fun!! The highlight of the night was the "bondage drill." First, get a long ribbon and connect it at both ends forming a circle. 6 girls form a very tight pack inside of this circle (with the ribbon around the entire group) and skate around. It was much harder than I had expected. The purpose is to get you to feel comfortable skating VERY close to other girls, even bumping wheels frequently. Then you switch positions frequently in this very tight space. It was okay - until we took a collective tumble and ended up in a 6-girl pile up (boys, get your head out of the gutter). But, all we could do at that point was laugh about it. After that, we played roller soccer, which I do love followed by a paceline.

All in all - a good night on 8 wheels - and a little bondage on a Tuesday night. Good times.

Help from my blogger friends...

Okay, I can't figure out how to get the spacing to appear properly when I have pictures embedded in my posts. If you are good at formatting blogs, let me know!! I need to figure out how to fix this so my readers don't strain their eyes by seeing no white space!!!

Ten. Whole. Miles.....

2008-05-19T19:09:00.000-07:00

Happy to have finished!!

Hello Friends & Family!!!
Sunday was the day....the day I've been training for...the day I have been nervous about....the day I was to attempt to skate 10 miles in the Walk & Roll Chicago charity event to benefit the American Cancer Society. We were to skate 5 miles from Grant Park to Fullerton and then turn around and return to Grant Park. Unfortunately, I don't have photos ready yet, so those will come later.

The day started off well - except that I had a minor meltdown before I even left the house. The temperature was strange and I couldn't figure out what to wear. Yes, I am a girl, so having a meltdown over clothes isn't that unusual. Plus, as the minutes passed, I became more and more anxious about this whole thing, which I am sure contributed to my mini-meltdown. I mean, really - I JUST started skating in February and I really didn't know what the hell I was thinking committing myself to skating 10 miles so soon. Plus, the furthest I have ever gone in training was 8 miles, and that day I thought I was gonna pass out.

Anyway, we packed up the car and headed downtown to help set up our tent area. It seemed like forever that we were waiting for the beginning of our race. It was cool though - there were a ton of people set up in the tent area at Grant Park. I was getting excited, but the weather was not cooperating as we had hoped. With each passing minute, the wind became stronger and stronger. Wind + skates = NO FUN!!!!

So, it was time for us to head out. Ready, set, SKATE!!! I'm not sure how many skaters there were, but the Windy City Rollers and the Chicago Outfit roller derby leagues each had a team at the event. It was tough from the beginning - after about 30 minutes, I was seriously beginning to doubt myself. The wind was just horrible and my eyes were watering like crazy. I have to admit, I think it was due to a combination of the wind and the fact that I may have been crying for awhile. I was trying to figure out what I would do when I had to decide to give up. Do I just skate for awhile and turn back and hope nobody noticed? Do I take off my skates and walk barefoot back to the starting point? The more I thought about it, the more tears fell. It sucked. Really, really bad.

Then I got further along the path to the area between Navy Pier and North Avenue. This path is on a sideways incline, which nobody warned me about. I'm not sure I would have wanted to know, because it was terrible. I already had to get thru the shin pain, but now I was getting hip pain too. The incline was atrocious - all while skating AGAINST the wind. By this point, I am seriously wondering when is a good time to throw in the towel before I slide down the incline and wind up in Lake Michigan.

Fortunately, I had a little help from my friends. It seemed like at just the right time, someone appeared to support me thru the hurdles. The first was when a group of girls had already made the turnaround and were heading back. Just when I thought I couldn't continue - here comes Octopushy from the Mad Rollin' Dolls. She was headed toward me, stuck out her arm, and gave me a high five along with "Keep it Up." I'm sure she doesn't realize it, but she was instrumental in helping me push forward. Then it was the Derby Lite girls who just magically appeared when I was starting to waiver (especially Pinky, NY Doll, and Nancy Pagan - THANK YOU!!!).

Somehow, someway......

I DID IT!!!

I skated 10 whole miles in the terrible wind, against an incline, up and down some serious hills, and lived to tell about it. I can't even believe I did it. This is one of my greatest personal accomplishments. Seriously. I was able to overcome my fears and doubts and just push forward, keeping the end in sight. I was able to do something I sincerely didn't think I could do. It just goes to show that if you work hard and put your mind toward something, you can do anything. At least I know now that I CAN skate 10 miles....who would have ever believed it?? Not me, but I sure do now.

After the race, we had a bbq back at Grant Park. Mr. Hottie had been slaving over a hot spit the entire morning so that we would have delicious meat to eat when we finished skating. MMMMmmmm....oink oink....that certainly was a TASTY piggie....MMMMMM.....porkilicious!!!

I am so proud to report that my Derby Lite team raised over $21,000 to benefit the American Cancer Society. I would like to thank the people who sponsored me: Bill & Viv, Mike & Alyssa, Bill, Sue, Steve, Sandy, Jim & Tina, Sheila, Sue K, JaxSin, Heather & Ryan, John & Rachel, Dad Spencer & Terry, Shadow, Deron & Andrea, Carrie & Brian, Rozanne, Angie, MOM, Craig, and Amy. Special thanks to Queen B, Pom, Belle, and all of the lovely D'Lite Ladies for helping me stay positive thru this entire adventure and having faith in me. I really appreciate it. Really.

And most of all - Thanks to Pez - for always being the very best cheerleader.

Love,
Cristen
aka - Payne D. Spencer

Glow in the dark skivies...

2008-05-19T19:00:00.000-07:00

I know that I told you recently that I ordered a new skirt to skate in. Along with the skirt, I also ordered 2 shirts - one being the Cotton TricksTee in Baby Pink. I was soooo excited when it arrived and it fit like a glove. Super soft and a really lovely color. So, I decided I would wear my new shirt to a charity bowling function on Saturday. It was held at a great bowling alley - 10Pin in downtown Chicago. I had never been there before, so I wasn't aware that it was "cosmic bowling." For those of you unfamiliar with this concept, the lights are all blacklights, which make the bowling balls, pins, and the designs on the lanes glow. It also makes any white clothing you are wearing glow.

What I didn't realize is that the white bra I was wearing underneath my pink shirt was glowing so bright that it looked like my shirt was see-thru and I was only wearing super-powered glowing skivies.

So, a warning to you SkirtSports fans - make sure you don't wear the Cotton TricksTee to a function where there will be blacklights. Unless you want to be deemed Super Skivies for the rest of the day. (Did I mention this was a family function???).

Viva Underpants!!

Hamster Drama...

2008-05-16T07:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, so today is a bit of a departure from my normal roller derby posts. This morning I had a very funny e-mail in my inbox, so I thought I would share it with you. My friend, Belle, purchased a dwarf hamster for her daughter. Alas, the Hamster Drama begins...

Here is the note I received this morning describing the first night w/ "The Beast."

oy.what a night.
the hamster escaped 2x. yes, katie took the lid off the rolling ball thingy.
once in the dining room, fine.
once in the kitchen...not so fine. nooks, crannies, tons of places to hide and get lost. all while I have the entire cage spread out on the floor, along with bedding, treats and every other item....good times....yah, good times.

got the beast set up in his Xtreme small rodent house.
she's freakin' that he's in her room. now Dude (as I call him) is in the dining room.
he finally found the loft wheel and is going to town. this has been so dramatic!
She calls him Desperaux, after a mouse in a book we adore.
(but he has been Carmel, Reuben, and dozens of names since 6pm)

I told her that we start small with pets (he's a dwarf hamster) and we move up to elephants.
swear to god she said..."we're getting an elephant?"
she certainly dreams big.

Wee! dwarf hamsters live 2 years. wish us luck.

-Belle-

I found this to be very funny, as I had some pet gerbils once that did escape from their cage frequently (Spence had to lay on the floor and stare under the fridge with a live trap set on more than one occasion). How many of you have had this same problem???

The things you all do to please your kids. Cheers to all of the mothers out there!! I think I'll stick with my dog for now....

Don't get discouraged...

2008-05-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those mornings where you wish you could stay in bed all day? Of course you do - everyone does at some point. Today is one of those days for me. My bed was sooooo comfy this morning and I am soooooo tired...I really want to stay home. But, duty calls, so it is off to work for me.

Tired feet...

I was really looking forward to practice last night. Spence hooked me up with a cute pair of psychedelic patterned tights, so I was anxious to show them off. I was hoping they would give me super roller girl powers to help me get through practice, but I think I got jipped. Tuesday was my 4th day in a row skating and it may be a little too much right now. I went to skating lessons on Monday night, but I didn't overexert myself or anything. I guess I forget how much work it takes to really focus on technique (and how exhausting it can be). My feet have been really sore (partially due to wearing tight heels too often at work last week). So, last night my sore feet & tired legs got the best of me.

A fast paceline...

Queen B hasn't led practice in awhile since our guest rollergirl coaches come every other Tuesday and we've had D'Lite girls leading skating clinics & practice on Sunday. I think she has been itchin' to get back to bossing us around. Practice began with a weaving paceline (girl from the back weaves between each girl until she reaches the front of the line). We were really moving fast right off the bat. I was having trouble keeping up and was a little unsure why I was having a problem. Oh, I know - it was because we were skating counterskatewise (clockwise) instead of skatewise (counterclockwise). No wonder I was having such a problem!! I'm still not very good skating the "wrong" way. Guess I'd better work on that...

Stinking leg cramps...

Next it was time to start our blocking drills. We got into teams of 4 to practice blocking while 4 jammers tried to get past us. This is REALLY hard to do in a tiny gym. I think we had 4 groups of blockers, which is about 2 too many when you have no space. The blocking packs ended up turning into 1 giant pack, making it very difficult to do anything because you have too many people in 1 tight block. I did play jammer again, but I wasn't nearly as successful as last time (either I got worse or the girls got better at blocking - OR BOTH!!). I just remember trying to get through Queen B's group and having her arse in my face for what seemed like forever. I couldn't get past her to save my life!! Just when I was about to give up trying, she finally let me pass.

To make matters worse, I started getting some really bad cramps in my leg. Not fun - I even had to pull over at one point to try to work out the cramps. I thought I could just keep skating and they would go away, but no such luck. I forsee more bananas in my diet to help increase potassium and decrease the cramping. Good thing I like bananas...

Scrimmage drills....

Queen B really wants us to start scrimmaging soon. For me - I really want to get to a point where I can actually participate in the scrimmage as a contributing player instead of a trying-not-to-pass-out skater (last night I saw a little of both in me). We actually did line up as if we were playing a real match, with pivots, blockers, and jammers. It was tough to remember who was on your team, since we switched it up after every 2 minute jam (plus, it's not really appropriate to play shirts vs. skins). But, it worked out even so. Last night was tough, but super fun indeed! I think my new strategy will be to work on blocking and worry about jamming later (like when I can actually skate fast for 2 mintues). Yeah, that's a good plan.

A tough week...

This week has been tough for me on skates. I almost feel like I have taken a step backwards in my progress, to the point that last night I was questioning whether or not I am roller girl material. I'm not sure if I've lost focus or if I am just exhausted in general. With the Walk & Roll 10 mile skate on Sunday, now is a bad time to take a step backwards. Not cool at all. I guess it's time to give myself a quick pep talk to remind myself that I am making progress and I just need to keep things in perspective. Next week I will really push myself, then I won't have any reason to doubt my ability.

I ordered a new "Sangria" skirt to add to my roller girl wardrobe (on sale - BONUS). I bet a new pair of killer kneesocks will help remind me that a roller-girl-in-training is a roller girl nonetheless (thanks, Ripa for reminding me of that).

Naughty girls go to the box...

2008-05-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

Windy City Rollers

(look for me in the white shirt standing across the floor)

Oh my goodness, I do love to work the penalty box at the Windy City Roller's bout! I'm pretty lucky since this is my second time working the box. It's just so stinking fun (but sometimes the girls are really stinky). This time I wasn't as starstruck as I was the first time. I decided that I am a great penalty box keeper since I know the names of almost all of the players by sight (and I watch the match intensely), so it helps a lot when you have to address each girl and tell them how much time they have left to sit out of the match.

Malice was a very naughty girl.

Malice With Chains is a member of the Manic Attackers. Don't tell the other WCR ladies, but she may be my favorite skater (but the jury is still out on that one). She was the captain of the All-Star travel team last year and was voted "most intimidating" (go figure). She's the go-to girl for the Manic Attackers since she is an equally good jammer, pivot, and blocker.

Saturday night, Malice was a VERY naughty girl. She wound up in the penalty box at least 3 times (which means she had at least 12 minor penalties called on her). I guess since it was the last game of the regular season, she was really playing rough and the penalties were flying. As the penalty box keeper, we aren't allowed to talk to the skaters (and the skaters know this). When Malice first entered the box, she started things off by telling me I was bossy in a very sassy voice (she sat in the wrong chair and I had to tell her to move over). Each time she paid a return visit to the penalty box she kept talking to me and trying to get me to laugh (it worked). Most girls are really pissed off when they wind up in the box, so it was a refreshing change to see someone having fun while doing their time.

I really enjoy watching Malice skate, as she demands an audience most of the time (literally - she's always doing something do get attention). I saw her jump completely over a fallen skater at a bout awhile back. It was awesome. She is a true athlete and I admire her performance as a skater. If I can become half as good as her someday, I'd be more than satisfied.

Double Crossers Enter the Track

Okay, so this is what a paceline SHOULD look like. The Double Crossers enter the track this way at each bout. It is really cool to watch. We at Derby Lite have not yet mastered the concept of equal spacing between skaters and maintaining a constant speed, which is a bummer because it looks so rad when done correctly.

We'll get there - I'm sure of it!

HEY BIKERS - You must learn to share!

2008-05-12T11:03:00.000-07:00

The Walk & Roll charity race is next Sunday already! I can't believe that time has passed so quickly. Saturday morning we scheduled a long training skate downtown on the Lakefront Path. WOW - was it lovely! The weather was just about perfect and the sun shining off of Lake Michigan almost made me think that summer had arrived early (no such luck, unfortunately).

Don't forget your gear....
We met up to carpool at our regular practice location and headed off. Fortunately, we all made it downtown at the same time and parked right next to each other. Once we arrived, Penny Pistolwhip realized that she had forgotten to change out her wheels, so she had her expensive grippy wheels on instead of her outdoor wheels. This creates a bit of an issue because it is no good to ruin your grippy wheels by skating on them outdoors. BUMMER! Even worse that Queen B forgot her skates entirely. That super stinks! B & Penny cruised back to Oak Park to pick up their proper gear while the rest of us headed out.

Watch out for rude bikers....
It was sooooo nice to be outside and enjoy the beautiful day. It's even better when you get to enjoy the outdoors while skating with some really cool women. The path was pretty clear and not too busy, which was good, as it is used by runners, bikers, and skaters all at once. It's really important to pay attention to where you are going and to stay in "your lane" or risk taking a beating from a biker.

It didn't take long for me to realize that most of the bikers on the path Saturday thought they owned the place. Hey - I get it - you are faster than me and you can run me over. But, consider this - I don't have eyes in the back of my head and cannot see you coming up behind me. So, it may be in YOUR best interests to let me know that you are near by saying "On your left" as you approach and before you pass me. It's not hard, really. It's just common courtesy. At one point, I was about to cross the path to take a break with the ladies. Just as I was taught when I was 5 years old, I looked both ways before I crossed. Nobody was near, so I started to cross the path. Out of thin air, some witch on a bike comes almost barrelling into me and screams:

"GET OUT OF MY WAY AND PAY ATTENTION - GOD!!"

Okay, seriously, she didn't let me know she was coming (and she came out of nowhere), so it wouldn't have been my fault if I would have fallen in front of her and taken her out. So, for all of you bikers out there - let me remind you that the path is not for your exclusive use. Just like in kindergarten, you must learn to share. And, if you don't want to collide with a runner or skater - you may want to let them know when you approach. GET A BELL!!!!

May 11th - my favorite day!!!

2008-05-11T20:04:00.001-07:00

I just thought I would share with you why today is my favorite day. I will warn you - I have been drinking, so I make no promises as to how coherent my blog is today. It's a celebration, so we've had a lot of red wine....go figure...

So, here is why today is my favorite day:

Derby practice today was good - we focused on balance, focus, and something else I can't remember (I've been drinking - sorry to Cookie & Doll that I can't remember the last key point at this time). My feet were killing me from skating at the lakefront yesterday (more on that tomorrow when I am sober), but I made it thru the entire practice (even Pom's killer ab workout - yeah me!!).
My homemade spaghetti sauce turned out super good! For anyone still using that crap in a jar, give me a call and I'll teach you how to make your own sauce. I promise it will taste soooooo much better than that jar'd crap.
Tonight was the Survivor finale. I would never condone gambling (unless you can afford it, which I cannot), but I have been known to put a few bucks on the Survivor winner. Today, my pick on Survivor won!!!! What does that mean? I am now $400 richer than I was 2 hours ago!!! Hooray!! I guess Aaron gets a new pair of skates tomorrow! WOO HOO!!!!
Today is our anniversary! Spence and I have been married for 6 fabulous years. And for those people who say "marriage is way different than dating" - THEY ARE WRONG!!! Each year is a testament to how lucky we are to have found each other and to how fantastic life together can be!

So, Cheers to May 11th - My favorite day of the year!!!!!

Time to prepare for a SCRIMMAGE!!

2008-05-07T12:46:00.001-07:00

How excited was I yesterday to receive a message from Queen B telling us that we were going to start getting ready to scrimmage??? VERY EXCITED (and a little nervous too)!! Last night at practice it was time for us to start learning real roller derby strategy so we can start playing in a scrimmage.

Learn how to play roller derby...
First things first - For those of you who have never been to a roller derby bout, I strongly encourage you to check out this video on youtube to learn how to play the game. This will help you to understand what I am talking about when I mention "blockers & jammers." Plus, I have to say, I really like the song that is playing during the demo! I mean, after all - I am beginning to think that Roller Derby Saved My Soul!!!

Use Waterfalls to keep out the opposing jammer.....
Anyway, back to practice. We had a guest coach again last night. Whenever she is there, I am dripping with sweat before we even put on our skates! She guides us through a very extensive warm-up routine every time she is there. This week she was teaching us to do "Waterfalls." A waterfall is essentially a blocking maneuver where 3 blockers work together to keep the opposing team's jammer out. Although the ultimate purpose of the waterfall is to hold the jammer back, it has a secondary purpose of confusing the jammer (ultimately keeping her out). So, here goes..

Take 3 blockers (Pivot, Blocker 2 & Blocker 3). Get into a triangle-ish formation with the pivot very close to the track line. Blocker 2 (aka "Wingman") positions themself to the right of the pivot, while Blocker 3 is the Point of the triangle behind the pivot. (Are you confused yet??). Then you "rotate" the triangle clockwise (while widening & tightening the triangle) to keep out the jammer. I know it is difficult to imagine, but once you see it in action - it makes perfect sense. I'll definitely be looking for the teams executing the waterfall maneuver while I'm working the penalty box at the next Windy City Rollers bout on Saturday night.

First we started working on this while wearing sneakers and running around the gym. Geesh - no wonder I was sweating so bad - it was about 90 degrees in our gym last night! Starting off-skates was a good idea to help us understand the motion required in the waterfall. Then we put on the skates and got rolling right along. We even had jammers wearing Derby Lite helmet panties! Very exciting indeed...

I am happy to report that I did take a turn as a jammer, which means I got to wear the STAR on my helmet!! It's crazy - when I go to a derby bout, 2 minutes seems like forever when you are watching. When I was skating as a jammer, 2 minutes seemed like only 10 seconds!!! Time passes really quickly. I did manage to get thru the pack (on multiple occasions), but I'm not really agile enough yet to decide if I am real jammer material. I may just have to focus on blocking for now. Since I'm a good communicator (aka - I like to talk), a blocker position may be just the thing for me.

I guess that means I'll have to talk to Pominatrix to learn more exercises to add a little junk to my trunk so I can have more booty to block with.....

Skating for Fun, Fitness, & Fighting Cancer!!

2008-05-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

A Derby Name for Spence....

My loving husband has very graciously accepted his new Derby Name created for him by the D'Lite ladies. Since I am known as Payne D. Spencer, you may now refer to him as Pez D. Spencer. If you look closely, you'll see his nametag reads "PEZ." What's really cool is that he filled out his own name tag. Just another reason why he is a super rad dude.

A Party to Benefit the ACS...

I haven't been to a skating party since the third grade. Who knew what I've been missing all these years?? Derby Lite hosted a skating party at Lombard Roller Rink on Sunday, 5/4. We had a lot of reasons to have the party. First, we wanted to give our friends and family a chance to see what we do twice a week when we leave the house wearing fishnets and miniskirts. We wanted to raise extra money for our Walk & Roll team to benefit the American Cancer Society. But, the most important reason for the party was just to have a stinking good time!!

My Cheering Section...

I was super happy to have a few people in the audience as my own personal cheering section. My sister and niece drove all the way from Iowa to watch me skate, which was very sweet of them. Plus, I was lucky enough to have my friend, Amy, volunteer her time and smiling face to help me coordinate the raffle at the party (Thanks again, AMY!!). Plus, I had 2 surprise visitors, Mike & Mel, who both cracked me up when they were fighting about who was the better skater (pretty tough call considering Melvin was hugging the wall and Mike was holding my hand so tight that I think my circulation was suffering). But, I was really proud of all 3 of them for getting out there and skating - if only for a little while.

It's all for a good cause....
I am happy to report that our party raised an additional $800+ for the American Cancer Society. So far our Derby Lite Walk & Roll Team has raised over $17,000 for the ACS. That's pretty amazing!

DERBY LITE - SKATING FOR FUN, FITNESS, AND FIGHTING CANCER.

3 posts in one.....

2008-05-06T11:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, sorry to my loyal readers....I've been a little busy this past week or so. Between work and coordinating a charity raffle for our Skating Party to benefit the ACS, I haven't had a chance to catch up on my blog. So, today you will get 3 short posts in one...

Sunday, 4/27 - A New Badge of Honor is formed...

Practice that day was a lot of fun. We were preparing for our skate party, so we practiced all of the drills that we were to perform at the roller rink on 5/4. We started with our paceline introducing each skater. Then into a figure 8 drill, which does look pretty cool when done correctly. Then on to the rat race and kamanda drills (aka throw yourself on the ground and get back up in .2 seconds).

The super cool thing is that we played roller soccer again! It's just so fun - until you crash and burn. I was trying to kick a ball, got a little off balance, tried not to trip over another ball, and then I hit the floor. It sucked - it was almost as if it happened in slow motion - I hit my hip, elbow, twisted my wrist (again), and then smacked my head on the floor (this is why we wear helmets). Above you will see the lovely bruise I acquired as my latest badge of honor (this bruise is mini compared to the bruise I got on my first night at Derby Lite - I guess the Flintstones vitamins are working). Sad part is that this photo was taken a whole week after the fall and it's still really dark purple. Bummer that I was only blocking a ball when I fell and not a girl....how sad is that???

Tuesday, 4/29 - Who's the chick in the suit??

Unfortunately I missed practice due to a business dinner obligation. I finished my dinner early, so I cruised out to practice to say hello and collect the raffle prize donations. It was so funny - people didn't even recognize me at first since I was wearing a business suit! I guess I clean up pretty well....

Saturday - Another Long Skate.....

So, I decided that I must have a new Saturday morning ritual. I will go outside and complete a long training skate every Saturday for the next few weeks (provided the weather cooperates, of course). This week I didn't want to over-do it because I had my skating party/derby drill demo on Sunday. Nancy Pagan (yes, that is her derby name) and I met at the Forest Preserve for a nice morning skate. It was pretty windy again, but the sky was blue (for awhile anyway). We successfully completed 6 miles without any leg cramps or major complaining on my part. We definitely could have gone farther, but I didn't want to wear myself out for Sunday's party. Plus, the sky was getting darker and darker by the minute. Fortunately, the rain held out until 10 minutes after we finished up.

Skate along the lake...

So, next week it is a training session downtown at the Chicago Lakefront. I guess it's probably a good idea to check out the course I will be skating on the 18th. Hopefully I won't fall into the lake. Cross your fingers!!!

PS - Thanks to all of you that commented on my last post regarding my 8-mile skate last week. It really meant a lot to me!!

Just call me Whiney McWhinerpants....

2008-04-27T06:21:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I am skating 10 miles with my Derby Lite team in the Walk & Roll Chicago event to benefit the American Cancer Society on May 18th. So, I guess you could say I am "in training" for this event. I'm not sure if I can even walk 10 miles, let alone skate them, but hey - it's for a good cause, so I'm willing to give it a shot. Until now, I have only skated outside twice and I only skated 2.5 miles each time. So, when NY Doll organized a long training skate for Saturday, I figured I should probably get out there to see how far I can actually go.

Morning started normal enough - crawled out of bed at 6:50 am (a little too early for a Saturday) and Spence made me cup of coffee (good man). I ate my yogurt & granola, so I was ready to go. Since I was uncertain how much prep time we would have before the skate, I did some nice stretching at home before I left. So far, so good. Then I went outside....

Mother nature is not kind...
I looked at the thermometer and it read 39 degrees. The winds were so strong, it was hard to get my car door open (and I'm not even exaggerating). Yeah, right - there's no way I will be able to do this, but I already told Doll that I would be there, so no turning back now. I got to the location and met up with Queen B, Belle (just Belle), Tuff Cookie, NY Doll, Miss K.O., and Dyna-Mo. We decided that with the wind being as strong as it was, we would cut back and only skate 4-5 miles (or as long as we could stand it). Sounds reasonable.....until we got started.

Why I Hate Fitness...
In case you don't remember - I only began exercising regularly when I joined Derby Lite in February. So, would not consider myself "in-shape" quite yet. Within 15 minutes of the start of our skate, I had terrible pains in my shins, cramps in my feet, and the beginning of some pain in my back. The wind was so strong that I was really beginning to wonder if I was going to make it 2 miles, let alone 4 or 5. Miss K.O. kindly recognized that I wasn't doing very well and hung back to chat with me about other things to try to help me get my mind off my pain. It really helped me a lot to not be obsessed with the cramps.

After a little while, we stopped just to evaluate how everyone was doing. So, I had to be my cranky self and explain why I hate fitness. Working out sucks when you first get started. It causes aches and pains in your body. You don't really see results at first, it isn't fun at all, and you can feel very discouraged when you don't do as well as you think you should. It makes you want to cry because you are disappointed in yourself that you may have to quit. I was feeling all of this on Saturday morning. If there wasn't a social aspect of this whole gig, there's no way I would have gotten my arse out of bed so early on a Saturday morning to have a long training skate. I just wanted to hang out with some fun ladies. At that moment, I really didn't know what the hell I was thinking when I signed up to skate 10 miles. Leave it to Queen B to say:

"Listen here, Whiney McWhinerpants, you are doing great so far and you can do this. You have come a long way, so don't get discouraged now. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!"

You know what, she's right. The other girls started reminding me that everyone has to start somewhere (and Belle gave me a delicious Clif Block for energy at that moment, which helped too). I have come a long way so far. Even through my whining, I was starting to think that maybe I could actually make it to the end of the trail.

Finding inspiration....
It was then that I was reminded of a fellow blogger, Kristina. She is Belle's sister and is currently training for an upcoming Ironman triathlon. Kristina has run numerous marathons and is quite an accomplished athlete. While reading her blog, I learned that swimming is challenging for her, so she is working very hard on this for her Ironman competition. I am inspired by her because reading her blog reminds me that even accomplished marathon runners have challenges to overcome. I may not be ready for a marathon (and certainly not a triathlon), but reading Kristina's blog helps give me confidence that with hard work and determination, I may actually become a "real" rollergirl someday.

Who knew that a girl who hates fitness could skate nearly 8 MILES on a very cold and extremely windy morning??? Skating 10 miles on the Chicago lakefront with a bunch of super cool Derby Lite chicks??

BRING. IT. ON.

2 Seconds - A Major Improvement...

2008-04-27T05:46:00.000-07:00

It's always a little startling when I show up at practice and a guest coach is there smiling at us. For some reason, I can never remember what nights we have a guest to lead practice. It's probably better that way so I don't stress out about it all day before I go to practice. I know it will be a tough night ahead whenever we have guests. Funny thing is that although practices are pretty challenging when the rollergirl friendlies are there, I seem to have a lot of fun with it, which is a step in the right direction.

MORE PLOW STOPS???
Someone in Derby Lite told our guest coach that we've been spending a lot of time working on plow stops lately (probably that evil Queen B). Of course she wanted each of us to demonstrate the progress we've made with our stops. Oh, isn't that just lovely. As I mentioned last time, my plow stops are truly craptastic, and stayed true to that when I demonstrated mine. She gave me a couple of tips, so we'll see how that goes next time. Stupid. Stinking. Plow stops.

28 seconds...
Tuesday was the day to skate time trials to see how we are progressing with our speed (our time trials consist of sprinting 3 laps around the track). I wasn't too worried about it because I am still trying to focus on my form rather than my speed, so whatever time I skate, I'm cool with it. To remind you - my previous time to skate 3 laps was 30 seconds (a 1 second improvement from my first time trials). Tuesday night I think the moons were aligned because my new time is 28 SECONDS!! Yes ladies & gentlemen, I shaved 2 whole seconds off since last time. WOO HOO!!! I was so stinking excited about it, I can't even tell you. I've been feeling like I have been improving steadily and my new time confirmed this. So, cheers to 28 Seconds!!!!

Races....
Whenever our guest coach is at practice, we always have a rat race. This time I was selected as the skater of the day to skate in the race twice (my team was short 1 skater). I was nervous about it because I was pretty tired at that point. Let me just say that if I knew I was going to have to race against Queen B, I certainly wouldn't have volunteered for that. I got out on the track and saw that evil Queen across the way and thought there was no way I could keep up with her (she is powered by the dark side, so I'm no match for her). I was sooooo super excited when I kept right up with her and she didn't lap me (which was my greatest fear at that moment).

Maybe this rollergirl thing will work out after all.....

Death to plow stops....

2008-04-22T07:34:00.000-07:00

It has been determined that Sunday practices will be the "easier" of our two weekly practices. It's nice to know we won't kill ourselves since we have practice again on Tuesdays. Plus, on Sundays we have guest coaches teaching a skating clinic to reinforce basic skating skills and technique. This week Poppy Z Fite and Pominatrix lead practice.

It was such a lovely day, we performed our warm up routine at the park across the street from our practice location. It's so funny when we do this because people at the park don't know if they should look at us or look the other way (or grab their children and RUN the other way). They just don't know what to think about a bunch of women exercising in miniskirts and fishnets (especially when they are wearing florescent pink fishnets like Tuff Cookie was on Sunday). Unfortunately, there isn't enough pavement at the park to hold the entire practice outside, so we had to head back into the gym.

We started off free skating in both directions. How nice to spend an afternoon skating around. I highly recommend you do it sometime. And then there was a skating clinic. The fun ends here. The subject for Sunday's clinic was the proper execution of plow stops. Okay, not cool for me. I still just don't get it. How do you push your foot out to the side while you are rolling and expect to stop??? Turn your foot in?? How does that work exactly? My feet don't want to turn that way. I tried and tried. Poppy said I should keep my right leg straight (while keeping my foot "soft") and put my weight on my left leg. Seriously - I still think this plow stop thing is a bunch of hooey. Then it happened - I saw someone do it perfectly. Dyna-Mo demonstrated a vision of a plow stop. She skated fast and came to a complete stop. DANG!!! I guess they do actually exist and aren't just a piece of rollergirl folklore. That means I actually have to to try to figure out what I am doing wrong.

Stupid, stinking plow stops.

April Shovers - WCR Bout...

2008-04-22T07:04:00.000-07:00

Have I ever mentioned that I love roller derby? If not, let me remind you - I LOVE ROLLER DERBY!! It totally kicks arse. Saturday night was the Windy City Rollers bout. It was super awesome this time because I was one the Penalty Box girls. What this means is that I stood on the floor during the matches to monitor one of the chairs in the penalty box. When skaters accumulate 4 minor penalties or 1 major penalty they have to sit in the penalty box for 1 minute.

Working the box provided an opportunity to see things in a different perspective than what I would see as a spectator in the stands. I can't hear the girls shouting strategy at each other from the stands. I also can't understand the communication between the skaters on the floor and the girls in the penalty box in the stands. Better yet - I can't really tell when the girls "accidentally" tripped the other girls unless I am looking straight at them from across the floor. Plus, it does add an element of danger when the skaters almost crash into you. After all, being part of the collision would put me one step closer to the real thing.....

I must say - I was a little starstruck. I know, I know - these skaters are just normal girls like me. However, they are "real" rollergirls and I am still wearing rollergirl training wheels. Most of them were really nice. GoldieShocks mentioned that she wished there was a big sofa in the penalty box so they could just fall into the sofa for a nice rest. A couple of the other girls suggested it would be okay for me to add time to their penalty because they could use a rest (I don't think they were serious). Although I wasn't allowed to talk to them while they served their time, it was just cool to see them all up close and feel like a part of the game.

I agree with Queen B - working the penalty box is really the best seat in the house (even though we don't sit). I can't wait to be there again for the next match on May 10th.

Missing practice...and good friends...

2008-04-16T12:45:00.000-07:00

MISSING PRACTICE...

Sorry I've been a little out of touch this week. I had to miss practice last night for the first time. That was a super bummer because the ladies performed my favorite "Throw yourself on the ground and get back up in .2 seconds" drills. I guess I'll have to work extra hard next week to make up for missing practice!!

Things have been a little crazy in the D.Spencer house the past few weeks. 2 of our very dearest friends, John & Rachel, left Chicago today to move to England in search of better Fish & Chips (let's ignore the super duper job promotion). Although I have been pretty sad about it for the past few weeks, I feel like I am finally excited for the adventure that they have ahead of them.

MISSING FRIENDS...
So, for today - I dedicate this post to my lovely friend, Rachel (whom I miss terribly already although she just got on the plane a couple of hours ago). Here is a list of why moving to England will be fun:

I know first hand that Fish & Chips is WAAAYYYYYY better in England than it is here.

The Brits serve their fish w/ mushed peas - delicious!!

They have better beer.

London is a very cool city (next time I visit I will take the Ghost /pub tour of the city).

It's okay for men in England to wear pink and lavender shirts (and doing so does not label them gay).

John found a farm in Hereford that makes "Orgasmic Apple Cider" as well as the corner store that sells frois gras - especially good since frois gras is illegal in Chicago (note to John - practice cooking the frois gras now so we can indulge on our first visit).

Boo Jones (their french bulldog) will learn how to grunt in "Proper English."

It's closer to Europe than Chicago is, which means cheaper travel to more cool places.

You won't have to make the long flight back to Chicago very often since most of your friends will want to fly to England to visit you.

When we drunk dial you at 2am and are acting ridiculously obnoxious, it will be 8am in England and time for you to be out of bed anyway.

So, to John & Rachel - I send a big "Cheers" as well as a promise that we will meet you at the ends of the earth as often as possible.

XOXOXO

Sometimes hearing "Good Job" is all you need...

2008-04-09T18:06:00.000-07:00

I have to admit - I am finding it difficult to be sassy and cranky in my writing these days. I guess it's hard to be super sassy since practices aren't killing me every night any longer (it's still challenging, but as I become more fit, I feel like I will pass out much less frequently). I suppose that is a good thing, but it makes my posts much less entertaining if I'm not complaining about something. I'll do my best to find something to whine about next week for sure!!! We had guest rollergirl coach again this week. I still haven't decided if I like it when she is there, or if I am a bit scared of what she has in store for us...I think it's a little of both.

Perfecting Crossovers...
We started skating in 2 circles next to each other - the "fast skaters" in one circle and the "faster skaters" in the other circle. I joined the "fast" skaters this time so I would have more space - it was a good plan. The point of the exercise is to continually work on your "crossovers" around the constant turn (too hard to explain crossovers in writing, you'll have to see them for yourself). Have I mentioned that we skate in a SUPER tiny elementary school gym?? Well, skating around in that small circle in only half of the super tiny gym will surely make you want to barf after a little while. It took everything I had not to have to sit down in the middle of the circle and catch my bearings. Maybe I should start taking Dramamine before practice....I'm sure that would help with my dizziness (let's ignore the fact that I may not be able to skate, but hey - at least I won't get dizzy).

On your mark, get set, GO!!
Coach thought it was a good idea for us to skate a bunch of relay races (4 to be exact). I must say, Tuesday was the first time that my stomach didn't tie up in knots when it was time for a race. I'm feeling much more confident that I won't take someone down due to my inability to stay upright. This was your typical relay race - we divided up into 2 teams and then we were off!! Coach was skating in the center of the rink "critiquing" every single skater as they raced. I was feeling pretty good when it was my turn. I felt like I was skating pretty fast (for my standards anyway) and I was able to catch the girl I was racing against. Best of all - as I was skating - Coach pointed at me as I went around the corner tight and clean and yelled "GOOD JOB!" It's always good when someone points out when you are doing something well, but when it comes from a "real" rollergirl - it is definitely something special. I am happy to report that my team won 3 out of 4 relay races. We....kick...arse...(okay the other team kicks arse too, but we kicked super arse on Tuesday!!)

Skating Lessons
I have been taking the public skating lessons at Lombard Roller Rink on Monday nights for the past few weeks. The coolest thing about it is that Spence has been coming as well (he skates in the beginner class while I am in the advanced class - how did I get to be "advanced" in such a short time???). I really think that the lessons have been helping me out a lot. Besides the fact that it gives me another day on skates, the instruction is extremely helpful in teaching technique since I don't know the "right" way to do things. So, any of you out there - you should join us on Monday nights at Lombard - it's a bargain at $4 for an hour-long lesson.

New Fishnets
I know I have told you before about Baubo's Garden - my new favorite lingerie store owned by a fellow Derby Lite chick named Baubolicious (aka Eden). She is so sweet - she offered to order a bunch of fishnets for us thru her store. This may sound strange to you non-derby folks, but if you wear fishnets skating and you fall down - they rip (plus they get snagged pretty badly from wearing kneepads - okay, that sounded kinda dirty). So, it is important to have many, many pairs in your collection. I was pretty excited to receive my bag o' fishnets in multiple colors. Now I just have to figure out which kneesocks to wear with the hot pink ones.....

Follow the bouncing balls...

2008-04-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

YEAH SPRING!!
For those of you not living in Chicago, you totally missed out on the most beautiful weather! Beginning Friday, it was over 60 degrees and sunny every day this weekend. Friday night I skated outside for the first time ever! Spence, Shadow (my fur covered 4-legged child), and I went to Ty Warner park to make a few laps. They have a fantastic paved trail around the park - 1 lap = 1 mile. I put on my gear and headed out (The boys walked, as I haven't purchased skates for Shadow just yet).

Skating outside is lovely, but VERY different. First, I had forgotten that the Ty Warner trail is hilly. I was a little afraid to go down the hills at first. After a couple of passes, I got excited to roll down the hill and go FAST!! A little wind in your hair always feels fantastic!! It was so lovely on Saturday morning that we went back to the park. This time I finished 2.5 miles, which was also super fun. I will say that skating uphill against the wind is a totally different workout than I am used to. Hopefully the weather will continue to cooperate and I can skate outdoors twice a week from now on!

A show for the neighbors...
Since it was another super beautiful day, we did our power walk warmup outside. Can you imagine - 15 chicks power walking around the block in fishnets and miniskirts? We walked past the park where many families were playing and all eyes were definitely on us. I can only imagine what people were thinking when they saw us pass by....

Practice yesterday focused on increasing cardio fitness, agility, and endurance. We started skating around - both skatewise (counterclockwise) and counterskatewise (clockwise). I was feeling pretty confident now that I can finally maneuver crossovers around turns while skating clockwise around the track. I've been working on them for the past few weeks, and finally I think I can do them without thinking too much about it. Small accomplishment, but it will make a big difference for my skating!! Talk about a cardio workout - try skating around for 20 minutes consistently. I guarantee you will start to work up a sweat!!

Agility Drills
Our first drill of the day was to increase agility. We had to basically "run" on skates - 4 steps to the left, followed by 4 steps to the right. The key here is to PICK UP YOUR FEET!! Remember, we are trying to learn how to play roller derby here. There will be girls falling and we will have to find a way to avoid them. The ability to "run" and pick up your feet will be absolutely necessary. Next, work on your balance - take one wide step to the left and glide on one foot, then follow with the right foot. Seems easy enough, but it's pretty difficult trying to balance on 1 foot while you are moving. Fortunately, my balance is getting much better, so I can stay on one foot for longer than .2 seconds.

Roller Soccer
Queen B shouts "Heads Up" and then many small kickballs start flying across the room. I think there were 10 balls bouncing around - which is a lot for the tiny gym we skate in. It reminded me of those kiddie "popcorn popper" push toys my nieces & nephews used to play with. In this case, follow the bouncing balls - and then kick them!!! (maybe she should start calling it roller kickball) I love this game - sooooo super fun and it has a purpose as well! To avoid tripping over the balls, you must continually look across the track, behind you, and all around to keep track of where the balls are landing after being kicked. Since you have to constantly look behind and around you when playing roller derby, the ability to forget about your feet and pay attention to your surroundings is key. Regardless of the lessons of roller soccer, I just think it is a super fun thing to do. If I have a vote, I vote for MORE ROLLER SOCCER!!!

Yet another paceline...
To prepare for our public skate/practice in May, Queen B wants us to work on our pacelines at every practice between now and then. She wants us to look good when we complete one in front of our fans (aka - we don't look fantastic yet). It's really difficult to maintain your speed and distance between each skater. It takes a lot of communication between skaters and paying attention to everyone to keep a steady pace. We are improving, but we still need some work. I see many, many, many pacelines in our future....

Walk & Roll Chicago
I'd just like to remind all of you that I am skating 10 miles in the Walk & Roll Chicago on May 18th to raise money for cancer awareness and research. If you haven't already sponsored someone, consider sponsoring me and help me meet my personal goal to raise $600 or more. I'd love to take your money and roll with it...

Visit my personal page to donate: http://www.walkroll.org/site/TR/Events/General?px=1394526&pg=personal&fr_id=1070

Frog Squats and Noodles and Wheelbarrows - OH MY!!!!

2008-04-02T13:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, so remember a few posts back I said how happy I was that we had a personal trainer as a member of Derby Lite?? Well, I may have to retract that statement. Pominatrix is a super cool chick and is very sweet - until she starts doing her job as a personal trainer. Holy crap she is hard core (That's her in the picture holding the whip - how appropriate). I bet she can get mean REALLY fast....

FROG SQUATS
We started our practice with some out of the ordinary exercises. First it was froggy squats. If you can imagine doing this as a kid - you squat and jump like a frog. Have you tried doing this since you were 5 years old? I didn't think so. I was sweating after doing 3 of them. Pominatrix doesn't let you quit - I tell you what.

"Ladies - Get Moving...I thought you were tough...get moving..."

Then that evil Queen B starts chiming in....

"If my 5 year old can do this in karate class, then you can do it here and now."

Seriously - do we really need 2 ladies "encouraging" us? Okay, I definitely do (but don't tell anyone I said that). I have only been exercising regularly for 3 months. I hate to admit that I do need the nagging-type of encouragement to keep me moving (what can I say - 32 years of having the attitude of a lazy chunky monkey takes awhile to change).

NOODLES
Now - put on your skates as we will begin jumping over pool noodles. Yes, that's right - I said pool noodles. Hmmm....they don't stay in the same place when you throw them on the floor- they just "drift" around. I wonder if Queen B knows this.....A few weeks back she mentioned that we would be jumping over noodles. When I asked her about the instability of the noodles, she replied that because they don't stay in one place is exactly the point. We have to learn to jump over moving targets (aka - legs or fingers of girls who have fallen) if we want to be successful rollergirls. Well, those noodles don't seem very high off the ground, but try jumping over them and you'll see just how hard it is to get both feet off the ground and land without falling directly on your arse. Boy, was I getting tired fast...

WHEELBARROWS
At the end of practice, P-trix decided we would perform more non-traditional strength exercises. Tonight we will have a wheelbarrow race! That's right - wheelbarrow. I haven't done this since grade school. I guess this has a lot of health benefits for strengthening many muscles. And hey, it was much more fun than sitting on the floor doing crappy push ups, that's for sure. How exciting was it to win my prize for coming in 2nd place??? SO EXCITING! I won a box of Roller Derby brand Cherry Gum Cigarettes!!! Seriously, there couldn't be a more suitable prize for me.

OH MY!!!
So, at the end of the night, a couple of us were talking to P-trix to pick her brain about strength training at home and such. She tells us that she can't believe how winded we got at the beginning of the practice with our froggy squats and such. Then with a very serious look on her face, she starts smacking her hands together and saying how she is going to "Whip...you...girls...into....shape."

I guess they don't call her Pominatrix for nothin'.....I think I might be a little afraid....

I dare you to try pulling 14 girls....

2008-03-31T12:02:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted today. Gee, I wonder why - I had multiple events to attend each day this past weekend. It was definitely a powerhouse of fun, but I sure am paying for it now. And, I have reached a few milestones that I thought you would enjoy hearing about.

Milestone #1 - Deciding that working out is fun....
As I have said before, I only began exercising at the beginning of this year. Saturday morning Spence had to work, so I went to the gym. Besides the fact that I had nothing better to do than go work out (how sad is that?), I am trying to remind myself that I will be skating 10 miles in the Walk & Roll event very soon. I figured now is the time to start working on my endurance. I surprised myself by biking 7 miles AND completing a full weight lifting routine in 1 session. I returned home and told Spence that I had a fantastic workout. He smiled, gave me a hug and said:

"I never thought I would hear YOU say that you had a great workout."

Milestone #2 - Quitting Smoking
As much as I hate to admit it, I began smoking at age 19. That was a LONG time ago. Today marks 3 months since I have quit. I had never gone longer than 2 weeks without smoking since I started 13 years ago. Every day for 3 months I have told myself that people have fun all the time without smoking, so I can too. I will keep telling myself that for the next 3 years if I have to.

Sunday's Practice....
Queen B hasn't been feeling fantastic for the last week. I think she decided to take it out on us at Sunday's practice. Plus, Saturday night was a WCR bout, so she got some crazy ideas in her head that she should work us like "real" rollergirls instead of "rollergirls-in-training." I think this was the HARDEST practice we have had since my very first appearance at Derby Lite. I guess Queen B is reminding me who is boss after commenting in my post last week that practice wasn't terribly hard. Boy, was I dumb for putting that in writing....

We started with our normal warm-up routine, on a normal Sunday afternoon. Since the Double Crossers started their WCR bout with a "tight" paceline, Queen B decided we should too. Each girl skates VERY close to the girl in front of her and holds on to her hips (almost spooning - seriously). Okay, we're cool. Then came the kicker - all girls will roll (not skate actively) while the girl in front PULLS ALL 14 GIRLS. Okay, did I hear correctly??? PULL 14 GIRLS?? I dare you to try to pull 14 girls (or even 14 tiny children) on skates. Tuff Cookie was the first to go and she made it seem easy - we were still going pretty fast when she was the puller. When it was my turn to pull, I seriously thought I would pass out or just fall right over. My performance was so sad it was bordering on embarrassing. Honestly, I was beginning to wonder if we had actually stopped rolling when I was in front. Somehow I barely finished my 1 lap as the puller and then I had to take a breather. My arms and legs were both shaking when I finished and I felt very off-balance and strange. Good thing it only lasted a few minutes and I rejoined the paceline. (note to self - find a cart full of boulders and start working out a la Rocky IV so I won't have such a sad showing next time when pulling an entire paceline).

10 more minutes in hell....
Okay, so after pulling a paceline, you want us to do 10 minutes in hell (see previous post describing this drill). Is this some kind of sick joke?? Where on earth did I get the idea that I could keep up with these ladies?? After sprinting, you want me to lay on my back and do leg extensions while wearing skates that weigh 50 pounds (how much do skates actually weigh)??? I guess I have to remind myself that the harder it is, the more it is helping me become a less-stocky chick.

"Real" Roller Derby Drills...
For the first time, we actually lined up to do a real derby drill!! We had 8 blockers on the line and 2 jammers waiting to push thru us. How exciting!!! Everyone took turns being blockers and jammers (except I skipped my jammer turn because I was still a little shaky). It was awesome. Now I really know how hard it is as a blocker to keep the jammers in sight while making sure you know where your fellow blockers are (plus it's hard to skate that close to people without knocking wheels). I felt like I did my job right when I blocked a jammer and took her (and myself) out of the pack. Better yet, I was able to get up in .2 seconds and re-engage. I guess all of those falling drills really do help....

Bruises - a badge of honor....
Today, my right hip and outer thigh are a little tender from falling pretty hard yesterday. When I first joined Derby Lite, I didn't really want to get bruised up. Today I find myself being a little disappointed that I have tenderness with no new bruises. I mean, aren't bruises considered to be a roller derby badge of honor?

I guess I will have to stop eating my Flintstones vitamins so the bruises will show themselves once again....

Cool Husbands RULE!!

2008-03-26T11:50:00.001-07:00

I just thought I would share one of the many reasons why Spence is a super rad dude. He's been working nights, so we don't see each other much during the week. I came home from work on Monday night to find a small package on the table with my name on it. Inside I found a shirt that has this image on the front. Printed in black letters on the back is:

Payne D. Spencer

It's not my birthday or our anniversary...It's just the sign of a very supportive and kick-arse dude that I am lucky to have in my corner.

So, cheers to all cool husbands - COOL HUSBANDS RULE!!!

Pushing myself while understanding my limits...

2008-03-26T07:22:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome to the philosophical episode of Becoming A Rollergirl. As always, I am your host, Payne D. Spencer. Today I will talk about how being a part of Derby Lite has affected my life and thought process. Sit back, enjoy a cup of coffee, and relax a little. I promise to return to my super sarcastic posts on Sunday...

Looking good, Feeling GREAT!
I feel fantastic today. There was something special about last night's practice that really worked well for me. It may have been the fact that we were wearing our Derby Lite uniforms for the first time as a whole group!! As you know, I fully believe that dressing the part really affects how good I feel and how well I skate. I think it makes a difference for everyone. Putting together fun outfits that allow me to look and feel sexy, tough, and athletic at the same time really helps boost my confidence. Last night also marked the return of a guest coach to lead our practice (unfortunately, even the Queen gets a cold from time to time and needs a break). We took extra time to stretch, which REALLY made a difference for me. (note to self: find a way to make time before practice to do more stretching).

Important things to remember....
As a new skater, there are a number of things I must remind myself every time I go to practice. First of all, although I want to push myself to improve I MUST keep my personal limits in sight. Last night was my first night wearing my new Vandal skates. My feet were KILLING me and it was almost like being on skates again for the first time. I had a really tough time finding my balance in the new skates. To make it extra fantastic, we had time trials. It was imperative that I reminded myself that although I want to skate fast, it is more important to concentrate on my form than speed at this point. I need to execute clean crossovers around turns and focus on my balance. I'm not ready to skate a 25 second time trial. I will be soon enough, but for now I must remember that I am still a beginner skater. I'm okay with not being the fastest yet. I have a responsibility to myself (and my fellow D'Lite ladies) to keep my personal limits in sight so I don't endanger myself or others. By focusing on my form, I was able to shave 1 second off of my previous time (new time = 30 seconds). Even while wearing brand new skates...

Derby Lite is good for skaters, husbands, and families...
This week I was reminded that being a member of Derby Lite isn't just good for me, it's good for my husband too. I was feeling badly this week about taking time away from Spence to participate in Derby Lite and I was nervous to join the group for the Walk & Roll 10 mile charity skate. Spence told me that even though he can't participate in Derby Lite, it is important to him that I do. It gives me an opportunity to relieve stress so I am less cranky at home. It has given me a sense of discipline that I haven't really had before (since I have never called myself an athlete). It also makes me happy to have found something to commit to that provides me a healthy alternative to my previous hobbies consisting of smoking, watching TV, and eating (which is definately positive for both of us).

Another perk of roller derby...
Derby Lite has given me an opportunity to meet new friends, which is HUGE in my world. I am a social butterfly by nature and have found it difficult to find like-minded women to share my time with. Since I am over 30 and have no children, it makes it extremely difficult to meet people. It's like dating - "you seem nice, wanna get together for coffee sometime?" At Derby Lite - all you have to do to make friends is put on a pair of skates. Does it really get any easier than that???

Here ends the philosophical episode of Becoming a Rollergirl. This espisode was sponsored by rad kneesocks.

Avoiding the back cramps....

2008-03-19T08:52:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure I should admit this for fear of retaliation, but Tuesday's practice wasn't the hardest ever. I think Queen B took it easy on us because it was the first time we had 3 practices in 1 week. I appreciated having a bit of a breather after the busy weekend I had.

Stinking Ladders...
Queen B told us she wasn't feeling super creative last night, so we would skate ladder drills. You skate around and she blows the whistle - 15 seconds of skating low, followed by 15 seconds of regular skating. Then 30 seconds of skating low, followed by 30 seconds of regular skating. 45 seconds of low, then 45 regular. 1 minute skating low, then 1 minute regular. Repeat again, but start over w/ 1 minute then reducing the times to 15 seconds. This ends up being a 9 minute drill. It doesn't seem like it takes that long, but when you start getting cramps in your back - it feels like FOREVER!!

Stick out your booty...
Thank goodness we have a professional personal trainer as a member of Derby Lite. Pominatrix is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to stretching and strengthening core muscles. As soon as she saw me laying in the center of the floor stretching (while the other girls are whizzing past me on their skates), she immediately skated right over to ask what was happening. It's these stinking cramps in my back!! Considering I am a slightly stocky non-athlete, I don't really know how to stretch properly or work on problem areas. She explained to us that to avoid cramps of this nature, you must elongate your spine. When skating tall, you tuck your hips. When skating low, you should stick out your booty to keep your spine straight. WOW!!! This totally made a difference for me. Queen B always explained the method of skating low as "Sitting on the toilet reading a newspaper." Good analogy, but I didn't realize to stick my booty out as much as I should have been.

Not only will this help avoid back cramps, but mastering a good "booty block" will be key to becoming a successful roller girl. Plus, this will also help me with my balance the next time I have to squat over a nasty public toilet.

More groupies!!
About half way thru our practice, we had some more visitors. What a surprise - it was 2 of the EMTs that are based at the firehouse down the street from our practice location. They watched for about 10 minutes, then were called away on an emergency. It was an even bigger surprise when they came back 20 minutes later with a bunch of their EMT buddies. It was the same dudes that responded to our 911 call when Calamity Jane broke her ankle. They have even created their own derby names for themselves such as Less Effort, TV Remote, among others. I guess we'd better get used to having groupies - at least every 4 weeks when these EMTs are back on their Tuesday night shift.

Spring break - a week with no roller derby...
We have a week off from practice now since practice was cancelled on Easter Sunday. That is a bummer for me. I guess now I will have go to the to the gym more frequently during our off week. That stinks, but I guess it will help me stay on schedule with my fitness routine (I can't believe I actually have one - that in itself is a miracle). What really sucks is that my normal workout clothes aren't nearly as fun as my derby outfits. I wonder if anyone at the gym will mind if I wear a miniskirt, fishnets, and kneesocks.....

She's the enemy....

2008-03-16T18:02:00.001-07:00

Today's practice was quite exciting. It began when the Riedell skates rep came to our practice with a plethera of Vandal skates for us to try on. I know, I just got new skates in February, but they are "beginner" skates, remember?? As you know, I believe if I dress the part, I will skate better, therefore, I must wear skates that are a more professional model than what I currently have. How can I be a pro if I don't have the right skates??? Holy crap, there is a difference for sure. The Vandal skates feel more like a sneaker when you put them on. Much nicer than the lack of cushion I have in my current skates. Thanks to a friend who felt they "owed" me a Christmas gift, I was able to order the new skates today. So, a special thank-you to my friend who has been supporting my efforts to transition into a roller girl, The pieces are all coming together...

Val Capone - Public Enemy #1...

Val Capone, a member of the WCR Manic Attackers, was our guest at practice tonight (see photo w/ her above). I'm not sure if criminals are allowed at Derby Lite, but somehow she snuck in. Now I know how she became Public Enemy #1 - making people spend "10 minutes in Hell." (More on that in a few). I've seen Val at many WCR matches. She is hard core for sure. She doesn't take any crap from anyone on that track. I think she enjoys the refs calling penalties on her just because if there was a penalty called on her, it means that she has knocked some girl to the ground with brut force and made them slide across the track. Okay, maybe she doesn't like the penalty, but I definately think she enjoys knocking chicks down....nothing wrong with that in my book (as long as it is a legal block, of course).

I'm tired....

Practice was tough for me today. It's my own fault. I was very busy in Michigan all weekend, stayed out too late last night (and had too many beers - that jagerbomb probably didn't help much either), and then drove back 5.5 hours this morning before practice. Then I was too concerned about talking to the Riedell guy to stretch properly. Lesson learned, as I continued to get cramps in my feet, ankles, and back all thru practice. Not cool. Nothing is more important than stretching properly, as I am quickly learning. Anyway...

Off to the races...

We started the day with a "rat race" - essentially 3 laps per girl doing a different type of footwork for the first 2 laps. Then it was shopping carts for the last lap. Since we were 1 player short, someone had to race twice. That someone was Val Capone. I had to push her as a shopping cart, but it didn't really turn out that way. In reality, she was PULLING me to the point that I was being whipped around the track, trying desperately to hang on for dear life in fear that I would be thrown into the wall. Let me just say, that we were hauling arse around that track...Perhaps I should have told her sooner that I have only been on skates for 4 weeks. When I told her, she commented that it didn't appear that way to her. Kick Ass.

10 minutes in hell....

I guess I shouldn't really blame Val Capone too much for the hell we were to enter (except that it was her idea). We were given the choice of 2 drills - Blocking Pacelines or 10 Minutes in Hell. I've never done "circuit training" before and it sucks. Here was today's hell.....we did 1 minute sprints after each "cycle" of core training - 1 minute of "bicycle crunches (then sprits), 1 minute of side crunches (then sprints), 1 minute of side crunches again (then sprints), 1 minute of pushups (how many can you do in 1 minute??) (sprints again), then 1 minute of butt lifts on your back while holding up what seems like 50 pound skates on your feet (then sprints). Was it hell you ask? HELL YEAH!!

WCR

I hear that tryouts for the Windy City Rollers will be held in June or July. Valerie of the Dolls (a current WCR ref) is trying to convince me to try out. I must say that I am a bit reluctant to commit to that at this point, but I may have to reconsider after reading the fortune in my cookie at dinner tonight:

"You're transforming yourself into someone who is certain to succeed."

Hhhmmm......

A post behind...time to catch up...

2008-03-16T16:55:00.000-07:00

For those of you keeping track, I realize I am 1 post behind. Sorry - I was back home in Michigan this weekend and didn't have time to blog. I guess it's time to play catch up.

Exciting points from Thursday's practice:

There were only 11 people at practice, so we had a lot more space to skate.

I won a race!! (let's ignore the fact that the girl I was racing against, IntoxiKatie, didn't hear her name called and had a late start).

I made it through an 18 minute paceline skating fast and didn't pass out.

I held up the paceline in the back as a FASTER skater for the first time ever! Hooray for me!!

So yeah - I guess having less skaters at practice gave me a chance to assume the role of faster skater for a day. I'll keep working on it so I can legitimately be called "Faster."

Back to Basics...

2008-03-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

First things first - Thanks to Hermione Danger for snapping this photo. This was taken at my 2nd practice at Derby Lite. Notice that I am in the front which means I am a "fast" skater (aka - super beginner). I'm not sure what we are all smiling about, but it gives you an idea of what it looks like to be a part of a paceline at Derby Lite. I guess we need some work...

Anyway, Tuesday's practice was interesting. Her Highness, Queen B, decided it was important for us to get back to basics. This meant stopping drills, falling drills, and skating clockwise (good thing I've been listening to my tapes - haha). It was cool - I'm feeling more comfortable with all of these things - except those stinking plow stops!!! I finally understand the concept - once Valerie of the Dolls explained that it is easier to maneuver if you are skating low. Thanks for the tip, but I still can't quite pull it off. I did pretty well with my falling drills (aka - throw yourself on the floor and get back up in .2 seconds). I was very proud of myself for getting up consistently in .2 seconds and getting rolling really fast. I'm not the master yet, but I sure am working on it. Most importantly - I did not aquire any new bruises due to my falling drills. I guess I was doing it right!!!

Tonight - we had groupies!! Yep, that's right - groupies. It was only 4 ladies observing our practice, but hey - we'll take what we can get. I think it is good to have people watching us. It is important to have the ability to forget about who is watching you and stay focused on skating. Being concerned about what others think has no place in roller derby (or in life, for that matter). When you start worrying about what others think you become a danger to yourself and others. I hope we have more visitors so we get used to skating in front of a bunch of excited spectators.

That's it for now. It's getting late and I have a lovely glass of wine to finish in celebration of my 4th week as a part of Derby Lite. I can't wait to see what lies ahead....

Sunday afternoon at the WCR bout!

2008-03-12T18:39:00.000-07:00

Sunday was a fabulous day! It was the day of a Windy City Rollers bout. I was very excited since we missed the last match while we were on vacation. The coolest thing was that I was on the "visiting skaters" list. It was pretty cool walking up to the will-call desk, having the dude ask for my name....my name? It's Payne D. Spencer, of course! He just laughed. I'm not sure if he was laughing at my name, or my outfit.

Queen B, the founder of Derby Lite, was a member of The Fury when she played for the Windy City Rollers. In honor of her, I decided to create an outfit that I deemed "Furylicious." If you ask Queen B, she'll tell you I was just trying to find an outfit to match my Super Saddleshoes. I must say, I was pretty stoked to find a reason to wear my 5.5" saddleshoes in public. Even better is that I wasn't the most ridiculous looking person at roller derby that night. I think the chick in the stands wearing the white & black polka dot dress w/ Rainbow Brite leg warmers and a hat that was fuzzy and had ears took the prize this time. My shoes had nothing on her...

Hell's Belles wins the match...this time...

Unfortunately, my outfit didn't help The Fury win, but that's okay. I don't have a "favorite team" since there are 4 teams that play for The Windy City Rollers - Hell's Belles, Manic Attackers, Double Crossers, and The Fury. I have fave players on each team, although there are too many to name. I watch them and try to learn their strategy, while admiring their tights and kneesocks. I am always amazed at how some tiny little girls that play roller derby are often the biggest bruts on the teams.

Tiny Bruts...

Watch out for Varla Vendetta or Hoosier Mama - they will take you out and laugh while you slide across the floor into the fan, penalty box chairs, water cooler, 5 other girls....whatever happens to be in your way. Keep your eye out for them - they show no mercy. I can only hope that someday they can knock me across the floor as well.

It's all about building up endurance...

2008-03-07T10:54:00.000-08:00

OCTOPUSHY....
Lucky for us, Queen B has a lot of friends who are accomplished roller girls. Fortunately for Derby Lite, they are willing to lead our practice from time to time. Last night, we were lucky to have Octopushy in the house. She skates for the Mad Rollin' Dolls of Madison, WI. I tell you what - she wasn't messing around when it came to running our practice. It was to be a Mad Rollin' practice for sure...

We started off by warming up on skates (usually we jog and stretch in sneakers). This was strange for me - usually I have time to "prepare myself" for skating, but not tonight. Ready, set, skate!! Good thing is that I prefer skating to jogging, so that was cool (running = no fun for Payne). Once we got started, I realized that I was not prepared for the workout ahead...

First things first - start skating around the rink and lift one leg to the side at a 90 degree angle and continue to skate around on 1 foot. Ummmmmm....yeah.....okay...right - great idea. Octopushy made it look easy - for me, not so much. I did manage to get a foot off the ground, but quickly learned that I have decent balance when skating on my left foot, but not on my right. Guess I'd better work on that. Then Octopushy decided we should do an "Endurance Drill" because building up your endurance is key to becoming a successful skater. So, we will skate nonstop for 20 minutes. OKay, I can do that. But, of course - it can't that simple. Every 2 minutes we will do a different drill. Let the fun begin....

Sprint / squat - sprint for a lap, then skate LOW for a lap. Repeat. No problem
Skate on 1 foot while "swizzling" (moving skating foot in an S shape). Read previous note about having bad balance. Alas, not so good for me.
Drop to one knee, get up with no hands in .2 seconds , fall immediately on other knee, then get up in .2 seconds and continue skating. Repeat many times until you fall on your arse and await modern art bruises to appear. I follow directions well, because I am currently waiting to admire the art that is to appear on my arse.
Repeat steps 1-3 until you give up, pass out, or hit the 20 minute mark (whichever comes first). Fortunately - I hit the 20 minute mark without passing out or giving up.

You will whip and push....let the collisions begin!

I know her name is Octopushy, but come on!! Tonight I was a little wobbly on wheels. Maybe I was still spent from Tuesday's practice. Or maybe it could be due to my dog pacing all night and rudely interrupting my sleep on Wednesday night. Either way, I was trying not to be a danger to myself and others. We each grabbed a partner - mine was Hellin Wheels. To whip, the girl skating in front offers a hand to the girl in back and "whips" her forward to help her gain speed & momentum. Then you catch up and give her a push to gain more speed. Okay, sounds fine - until you realize we are skating the OPPOSITE way around the rink. Think about it - if you have ever gone skating - you always skate counterclockwise around the rink. Try going the other way and you will see how tough it actually is. I don't think my brain functions clockwise when skating. It was then that the collisions began. 3 girls down in a pile....no, wait...it's 4 in that pile and 5 in that other pile. Crap - I don't know how to avoid them yet when I am skating fast!!! Thank goodness I didn't add to the pile this time, but it was a challenge. I'll have to start listening to those subliminal message tapes at night "You can skate clockwise, you can skate clockwise......" Let me know if you've seen these tapes at your local store....

An appropriate playmate for Queen B...

Tonight it was cool to see Queen B have an accomplished rollergirl to execute "real" roller derby drills with. Since most of the Derby Lite ladies are still learning, she usually has to take it easy on us. Not so with tonight's playmate. At one point after practice, Octopushy admitted that she "Enjoys pummeling and being pummeled." She had a very naughty smile when she said it.

Any teams playing against the Mad Rollin' Dolls - I would watch out for Octopushy...she just might live up to her name.....

Bring your best Vixen!

2008-03-05T10:24:00.000-08:00

First, let me thank my new friend, Pominatrix, for referring her lovely photographer friend (Killer Jill) to Derby Lite. Fortunately for us, Killer Jill enjoys photographing tough women. Once we found out that she would be coming to practice on Tuesday to photograph us, we were instructed to "Bring your best Vixen" for attire. Let's just say that these Derby Lite ladies definitely have a hidden Vixen in each of them! Everyone looked super fantastic indeed! Between the miniskirts, fishnets, and super rad kneesocks - everyone looked very sassy! I can hardly wait to see the photos. Hopefully my black kneesocks w/ dayglow argyle patterns look as good in the photos as they did in person!!

At one point during pictures, Pominatrix was looking for props and asked: "Anybody have a whip?". A whip, you ask? But of course, your Royal Highness - Queen B has one right here. Seriously - it was perfect.

My philosophy still remains true - if you look the part of kick-arse roller girl by wearing extra sassy outfits - you will definitely skate better. I think it worked for all of the ladies last night!

Shopping Carts & Pacelines - Take 2
Last night's practice was definitely something else. I am a little worn out today (which is a good thing, as much as I hate to admit it). I definitely think that the excitement of the outfits gave Queen B the impression that she should work us like we are professional roller girls. Holy crap - it was hard. First, it was those stinking shopping carts again! This time, my partner was Poppy Z Fite. She is definitely one of the top 5 skaters in this club, which did make me a little nervous (reminder to the audience - this is only my 6th time on skates in 20+ years). Fortunately I only had to push 1 lady around this time instead of 3 (although I still wasn't very good at it).

Then it was the paceline. Since there are no "slow" skaters in Derby Lite, there are only "fast" skaters (aka beginners) and "faster" skaters (aka more experienced). In a paceline, the "fast" skaters are in the front of the line and the "faster" skaters are in the back. Let's just say I was in the front of the line (more on that later). So far, so good - we're skating slow. Then a little faster. Still cool. Then Queen B announces that we will have a paceline race. OH NO!!!! Not a race!! On my first night, it was this type of race that caused me to fall on my tailbone causing modern art bruises on my arse. I had to keep telling myself "Do NOT have fear, Do NOT have fear." I think I was the last to race - against Pominatrix (how can you not have fear when you race against someone named Pominatrix??). I didn't win, but I DIDN'T FALL EITHER!!!
P-trix - you'd better watch out next time!!

Can you skate fast for 30 minutes without a break???
I think Queen B was reminded last night of how fun it is to be a rollergirl. So much fun that she finds entertainment in making us skate in a paceline for almost 30 minutes. I think she must be a sadist of some sort, watching girls drop left and right. Okay, maybe not "drop", but some did hit their limits and have to stop skating. Unfortunately, I only made it for about 25 minutes. I was so mad - I had made it so far and then had to give up (actually, it was my back spasming that made me give up). Next time, I will make it for the entire 30 minutes. Mark my words.

The coolest thing that happened to me at this practice: A couple of girls said I am no longer a "fast" skater and that I should start next time in the middle of the paceline. HOORAY!! Maybe someday I will be deemed a "faster" skater and hold tight at the back of the line....Maybe someday....

A final thought for today - Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have. I guess I'd better hook up on some more rad kneesocks....

In honor of Leap Year, we will be leaping!

2008-02-29T11:58:00.000-08:00

I was a little nervous about practice on Thursday. I had a very bad week at work and haven't been sleeping well due to stress related to this bad week. Thank goodness for Derby Lite. As the hubby told me on my way to practice - give it 15 minutes on skates and you'll forget all about that crappy week at work. Boy, was he right...

Guest Rollergirl Coach...
We have a rollergirl friendly that is generous enough to come and coach Derby Lite from time to time, which is definately appreciated. I have to say that watching her skate around was definately motivating to all of us - she does kick a**.

Okay, enough flowers and cupcakes about tonight's guest. She's lucky she already has a "devil-type" name or I would have to create a new one for her. I don't know if it was her idea or that evil Queen B that thought that in honor of Leap Year, we would be leaping. Between the two of them, I think they were out for blood. Leaping??? Seriously - are you kidding me? It is still a struggle for me to stay upright and they want me to JUMP while wearing skates?? Fantastic.

We started by skating and "leaping" from one foot to the other, while trying to avoid those stupid cones (and not fall down). Then we had to continue this while skating around the gym, and continuing to leap left and right across a line. Time to jump - step on a crack, break your momma's back (or in this case, step on a line) Jump, Jump!! Get both feet off the floor - over the line (while in motion, mind you). Yeah, okay...I'm not sure how these ladies jump so high, but I was just happy to get my feet off the ground at all (and land back on my skates, instead of my arse). Then we did some other balance things - skate on 1 foot with the other in front of you "swizzling" (basically back wheels of the other foot make S shapes in front while you skate on 1 foot). That combined with the "grapevine drills" almost put me down for the count. Fortunately I didn't take a super fall in front of our guest coach (I think the debut of my 2nd super cute roller girl outfit gave me the power to stay on my feet last night).

What was the coolest thing about practice? Hearing Coach scream "Backward Skate". I spun around and actually skated backwards!!! Hooray for me!!! I could do it in the third grade, but never thought it would come back to me so quickly. I guess it's like riding a bike - you never really forget, you just get out of practice. I'm not very good, or very fast, but I didn't crash into someone or fall on my arse. Both are very good things.

As much as I hate to admit it - I am looking forward to our guest coach's return to Derby Lite. Watching her skate is rad and I hope I can be as good as her someday...

It's Party Time, YO!!
Tonight was my first Derby Lite Party after practice. It was held at the CUTEST lingerie store - Baubo's Garden in Forest Park. The owner, Eden, is a Derby Lite girl too! Any of you fine ladies in the Chicagoland area should definately check it out. Great stuff to make you look and feel super sassy!

You know it is a good party when a tray full of tequila shots is passed within 5 minutes of arrival. I had to decline the tequila, but was happy to raise a glass to toast "Shit Happens, Cheers to Calamity Jane" (she broke her ankle on Tuesday). This was honestly one of the most fun parties I have ever attended. I don't want to get into great detail (not sure who is reading this blog today), but for a minute, I was wondering if this would turn into some sort of "Derby Girls Gone Wild" video. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

So, Cheers to you, all Derby Lite Ladies! Remember next time you are having a bad week, we can turn it around remembering the image of a Queen strutting her royal stuff in a leopard bra.....I wonder if they'll ever see that in England???

You must learn to stop before you can skate fast...

2008-02-27T08:28:00.000-08:00

Okay, so here's the deal. I have fully convinced myself that if I look the part, I will definately skate better. So, last night's practice was the unveiling of the first of 2 recently purchased roller girl outfits. Unfortunately the hubby is working nights this week, so there is no photo yet of the "true" Payne D. Spencer. For now you will just have to imagine... I wore the cutest black miniskirt, a super hot pink shirt, and of course, my skull-n-crossbones tights. So, if I look like a roller girl, I will act like a roller girl and skate like a pro, right??!!

Well, I sure did try. Let me first say that we had A LOT of girls at practice last night. We skate in a tiny elementary school gym. It seems large enough, but when you get 25 ladies skating around - it is extremely crowded. I guess that is what it feels like when you are really playing roller derby - trying to be strategic while not locking wheels with another girl. Next week I will definately have to start wearing my mouthguard in case I accidentally get jacked in the jaw. I have broken a few teeth in the past and it was definately a buzzkill. Worst pain ever. Don't care to do that again anytime soon.

With a lot of newer girls at practice, Queen B decided that we should remind ourselves that you must learn to stop before you can skate fast. So, that means "stopping drills." Who would have thought that there are at least 5 ways to stop yourself while skating (besides running yourself into the wall or throwing yourself on the floor)? I can almost manage 3 of the 5 with semi-confidence, but "plow stops" - you must be joking. Basically - put pressure on the outside wheels of your right (or left) foot and push it outward and forward. Ummm.....I don't know about anyone else, but if I do that - I continue to move and don't even slow down at all (I think it's called skating and not stopping when you do this). I think it's all just a scam - some roller girl somewhere decided she wanted to make her mark by creating this new "stop". Let's just say I won't believe it works until I really see it happen. Experts on this - get ready to prove the theory of the "plow stop."

Last night we ran our first time trials. Let me remind you that it was my 5th time on skates since junior high. I was quite pleased with skating 3 laps in 31 seconds. It's much slower than many other times, but now I will be able to see my progress moving forward, which is always good.

On a not-so-good note, we had our first serious injury last night. At some point during our drills, Calamity Jane (real name: Jenny) fell pretty hard and injured her ankle, badly enough that we had to call an ambulance. (We learned later that she broke her ankle in 3 places and will require surgery - OUCH!!). She was a real trooper and kept in good spirits while waiting for the EMTs. At one point, her main concern was that they didn't cut her lovely striped kneesocks off of her. She definately understands the importance of her roller girl image!! We hope she is doing well and that her injury won't keep her off skates for long!

On a funny note - you should have seen the look on the EMTs faces when they entered our building to find 25 women practicing roller derby. They wore a very sneaky grin - like they had stumbled across some secret society meeting or something. First it was 2 EMTs that arrived. Once they called for assistance, it seemed like we had 10 more EMTs there (although it was probably 5 or 6). I think the first dude called all his buddies at the firehouse and said "Hey, guys - I've hit the mother load here - a room full of awesome roller girls!! Come quick to check it out!!"

Perhaps we may have some visitors at our upcoming practices -the EMT dudes from the firehouse down the street. I wonder if they will show up to ensure our safety - or just to enjoy the view of 25 kick-a** ladies in skates.

3rd Time is a Charm...

2008-02-22T06:01:00.001-08:00

So, practice #3. I finally feel like I have found my balance on skates, which is a really good thing. For the first time, I didn't feel like I was more likely to fall than to stay up. I was happy to see that there is a new "new chick", so I guess I am no longer the resident beginner. Don't worry, new chick, you'll find your balance soon!

Last night's practice definately challenged everyone - most of all me. I should let you know that I have a minor cramp in my back today. I have named it "shopping carts." Take two skaters - the one in front skates low while the one behind pushes her like a shopping cart. Sounds simple enough, right? Okay, well just when you think you are doing well - add 2 more girls in front. Push all THREE girls around the track 3 times and then switch. Holy crap - was this hard. When I was the pusher, I felt like we were barely moving. On my team were Pistol Whip, Crakajax, and Belle - 3 ladies who appear to be pretty accomplished skaters. When they were pushing, we were hauling a**!! I was just trying to hold on and try my best not to cause the domino collision. I guess it just proves that you must stay focused if you want to save your heinie!

Note to self: make sure you wear pants that have a ridiculously tight elastic waistband to derby practice. It's very distracting to have to continue yanking up your pants all night when you are trying to stay on your feet. Plus, it does look extra attractive when you have to roll your waistband down a hundred times to get them to stay up. I guess maybe the extra "roll" provided a handle for the girls in the back of our shopping cart to hold on to.

This whole Derby Lite thing is way more than I ever expected. These women continue to impress me with each practice. They are very welcoming and are eager to share their dedication and excitement about Derby Lite with anyone who decides to walk in their door - Especially with the girls like me who can barely stand up. They work hard, and play hard. What more could you want? And that evil Queen - well, I guess she's not so bad after all.

I'd better sign off before I lose my tough-girl image.

Day 2 - No New Bruises!!

2008-02-21T06:50:00.000-08:00

My second practice at Derby Lite was much different than my first - thank goodness. Fortunately I had a week for my bruised arse (and ego) to heal before my second attempt at becoming a roller girl. In between I had a lovely trip to Napa Valley and San Fran w/ the hubby and our friends. I'll try to post info on the trip later...

Okay, so Tuesday was my 3rd time on skates in a million years. I felt like I was a rock star since I lived thru my first major fall. And hey, the bruises kind-of looked like a rad tatoo, so that's something to consider. Perhaps I'll consider all new bruises as "Modern Art". Yeah, that will work. Anyway, this practice was super cool because the ladies all refered to each other by their Roller Girl names. Pistol Whip, Sue Perduper, Bingo Wings, Hermoine Danger, Precious Cargo, Miss K.O.... you get the picture. I wonder if they created their names over a martini as well. I'll have to ask them sometime (and where to buy those super cute skirts they wear - I'll have to hook up on one that will look rad with my skull-n-crossbones tights).

Let there be cones......
For this evening's drills, that evil Queen B set up a bunch of cones. Yeah, great idea. Send a beginner skater out to avoid the cones. That's just asking for trouble. Maybe she enjoys watching me fall down....maybe it's part of her evil genius as the leader. It's probably some sort of "wax on, wax off" lesson we should be learning or something like that. Sorry for her luck, but this time - I DIDN'T FALL!! I am a roller derby queen for sure! I must say that there was more than a little adrenaline running thru my veins when I heard my relay team screaming:

"GO PAYNE GO!!"

It totally kicked a** to hear these chicks cheering me on. Hopefully I returned the favor by screaming for them just as loudly.

So, to keep this short and sweet - Derby Lite is totally for me. For Sure.

The Payne was D. Spence'd...on me!!

2008-02-19T14:24:00.000-08:00

Day 1 of Derby Lite Practice.....

I arrive very excited at the practice location WAY too early. I had no idea it would take me 1.5 hours to get 13 miles thru a terrible snowstorm and still manage to make it on time. This gave me an extra 40 minutes to be nervous.

Okay, so I have the gear - Dang - it is heavy!!! I am convinced that skates alone weigh 20 pounds. The question remains - can I stay up long enough to not look like a complete loser?? The answer is definately NO!

I had no idea what I was getting myself into. This was the first practice in a new location, so Queen B (the leader of this skating pack) promised that she would take it easy on us and give time to get used to skating on the new floor. To me, that meant I would have time to get used to being on skates. Wrong again - that Queen is a big liar!!!

I think I'm gonna pass out...
This was by far the hardest workout I have ever had (although if you read my previous posts, "workout" was not a part of my vocabulary until January). We started jogging, followed by stretching. Sounds pretty normal, right???? Time to put on the "gear." Start skating now. So far, so good - I was a little off balance, but staying upright. I explained that I had only been on skates for 1 day in 20+ years, and that didn't seem to impress anyone. I guess they were all in the same boat 3 months ago when this club started. I would never guess it now, as they all skate circles around me. Then the pain began...

Drills you say?

Any of you athlete types will know what suicide drills are. If not, look it up (too much to explain here). Imagine doing them on skates and having to touch the floor when you hit your lines. Imagine doing this when you have only been on skates 1 time in 20+ years. Super fun. Even more fun is when this evil Queen wants you to essentially throw yourself on the floor, spin around, get up in .2 seconds, and start skating the opposite way. Try doing this nonstop for 1 hour. All while remembering "Get up before someone skates over your fingers." Somehow, someway, I was able to get my butt off the ground each time. I thought I would pass out at any second, but didn't. Maybe this roller girl thing will work out.......or maybe I will break a bone on my first night (probably more likely). Now lets do a "pace line" essentially a "conga line" while skating low, holding on to the chick in front of you, and not losing balance. Then let the girl in the back weave between each girl until she reaches the front. It all sounds good - until it is your turn as the girl in the back of the pack. If I fall, there will be 20 girls that fall on me. DO NOT FALL!!! Somehow it worked and I didn't wind up with 160 wheels in my face.

I was feeling pretty confident.

I made it thru almost 2 hours without falling or passing out (either would be very likely). Until it happened - a race. All girls skating in a circle and the Queen calls out 2 names for a race. OH NO!! I heard my name... and then.... like a cartoon character.... my skates got out front of me, I flew up, then landed.....straight.... on.... my..... tailbone. Not sure how it happened, but I think I twisted my wrist too. But, like a champ - I got back up (in .2 seconds of course) and continued my race - hoping to not ruin my hard-core image by crying on the first day. Practice was over and I had made it - Day 1 as a Derby Lite girl.

That lyin' Queen B....this was not an "easy" practice...

What I didn't know was that this was one of their hardest practices ever. Fantastic for me - I barely made it. Once I got home Spence was waiting for me with a bottle of Aleve and a glass of wine. Good man. Then I saw it - my elbow was swollen and bruised. The next morning I caught a glimpse of what appears to by my arse - but totally swollen w/ lovely black & red bruises. A week later I still can't get into my car without pain.

Until Next Time....

Hopefully....eventually... the Payne will be Dispence'd on someone other than myself! Stay tuned to see how my 2nd practice goes....hopefully I will not get new bruises on top of my old ones.

Step 2 - New Skates

2008-02-19T13:53:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, I had some really cool white boot skates with chartreuse colored wheels. To be an extra cool 3rd grader, I would swap out the laces and put in the super trendy patterned ones. What I never really told my parents was that I really wanted speed skates like the boys wore (I guess my mom knows now since she reads this blog). I never thought I would get my first pair of speed skates at age 32.....

Monday 2/11/08 was the day to get fitted for my spankin' new skates. I visited Steve at the Lombard Roller Rink near my house. He was super duper helpful with making sure I purchased the correct size. I opted for the "beginner" model with the upgraded wheels. I learned that when skating in a gym (rather than a roller rink), you should have "grippy" wheels. My new grippy wheels are bright orange and black. They look pretty rad with my black skates.

So, can I stand on skates? The answer to that is NO!!! What happened to me? WHen I was in 3rd grade I could skate backwards, forwards, and sideways! You would think that you would keep your stupendous balance over 25 years. WRONG!!! I felt like such an A**! Again, the hubby just laughed and laughed at me. After all, I was to attend my first Derby Lite practice the next night. What would I do??

Fortunately, Steve at the rink hooked me up with Suzy - an experienced skater working at the rink to "roll me around a little" as he put it. All I remember is her saying "We're walking, we're walking......you can drink all night and dance all night while you are holding a cocktail without spilling it - if you can do that, you can skate." So, after holding her hand for about 15 minutes, I was able to get around the rink on my own without falling. She approached Spence and told him that I would be fine and I would get my "skating legs" back soon. But, would it be soon enough??

That night at the roller rink was "Adult's only R&B Night". I call it "a throwback to the 70's where everyone is a super awesome disco skater" night. I skated for about an hour before I realized that I was only going to get in their way (and cause a super domino-like collision when I crashed and burned). People with skills like that don't need a wobbly skater like me in their way.

Everyone at Lombard Rink was so friendly and helpful - even the customers that were very accomplished skatersj were helping me stumble around. If you find yourself in the Chicago area on a Monday night, you should check it out. You may even see me there - just look for the short chick w/ the orange & black wheels on her speedskates.

Step 1 - Buy Safety Equipment

2008-02-19T11:51:00.000-08:00

I am not an athlete. I was never into sports (unless you count tailgating or eating as a sport). I have had a gym membership for 3 years. Prior to January of this year, I had gone to the gym a total of about 12 times (and that number may be slightly high). The only reason for me to go to the sporting goods store is to buy cute workout clothes. I know, maybe it sounds silly, but for some reason I feel better about getting my arse to the gym if I look cute. This theory didn't work well for me until January (when I finally traded smoking for working out).

I was just happy to have a "real" reason to go to Dick's Sporting Goods. I needed to buy my first piece of roller derby equipment - a skating helmet. When I told the salesboy that it was for roller derby - he flashed me a very sly grin accompanied by "That is totally awesome, man!" Yes, roller derby is totally awesome, which will make me even more awesome once I can actually play it (Still unsure if I can stand on skates at this point).

The first time I tried on the helmet at the store, Spence (the hubby) started laughing at me. Okay, it was pretty funny considering he has never seen me participate in any sport (besides the previously mentioned tailgating or eating). I did choose the matte black helmet since the "Disney Cars" helmet only came in toddler size. I'll have to get some good stickers to decorate it with. If you have anything hard-core looking - send them my way.

On to crash pads - I needed elbow pads, knee pads, and wrist guards. Who would have thought that sizes would be so difficult to gauge? After 2 hours of trying them on at Sports Authority (no good pads at Dicks), I learned that I have skinny child-sized chicken arms, and normal medium sized legs. Fabulous combo - especially when most pads come in a set. Let me apologize to the person who tries to buy the medium set and winds up with the children's sized knee pads....

And, if you want super entertainment - go ask a random salesdude in the store where to find the "boil to fit" mouthpieces. He looked at me like I was some sort of freak....

So, now I have the safety equipment - seems like I have forgotten something important....what could it be???? Oh yeah - SKATES!!!

What is Derby Lite?

2008-02-19T11:30:00.000-08:00

Hey there...

I'm gonna try to catch up on a few things so I can be up to date with my posts going forward. I'm going to type fast, so keep up.....

Considering I am a super Windy City Rollers (WCR) fan, I wouldn't have missed their season opener back in January. Working the penalty box was a lady wearing a crown wearing a Derby Lite shirt. Little did I know I was looking at the queen - Queen B that is - a former WCR girl and the founder of Derby Lite. I looked to my right and there were 2 ladies wearing the same shirt. I asked them what their shirts meant and was given a flyer that said:

Derby Lite
"Roller skating for fun & fitness for women old enough to know better."

Hhhhmmmm....I was definately intrigued. I learned that this was a non-competitive roller derby "class" that was for skaters of all levels. It meets twice a week and the age range of women is mid-20s to mid-50s. Both of the ladies were very excited to talk about how much fun they have at Derby Lite practices and encouraged me to stop by sometime to check it out. Well, I didn't need to check it out - I was ready to become a roller girl - even if it was "just for fun and fitness" and not for competition.

Could this short, slightly stocky, over-30, pseudo-yuppy be a roller girl??? After a few e-mails from Queen B, I was convinced that I can be.....but can I stand up on skates? The last time I went roller skating was probably in the 7th grade....that was a VERY long time ago.......

A little background...

2008-02-19T10:52:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my first blog posting! After reading one of my trip reports, a friend suggested I start writing my own blog to keep in touch with friends and family. A year later, after developing a secret crush on Roller Derby, I decided now was the time to get started. I will tell you a little about my love of roller derby, as well as keep you updated on my trips and any other things I feel like talking about each week. So, if you are still interested - READ ON!!

Sometime last year, my hubby stopped by a random gas station in scary-ville Chicago and found a stack of flyers near the cash register. He was intrigued when he learned it was advertising for a roller derby bout played by the Windy City Rollers. Hhhhmmm.....cute girls in skates knocking each other down - of course he was interested!! I wasn't sure if it was a "legit" event, but I agreed to join him anyway. I like new things and LOVE to people watch, so it sounded like a good way to spend a Saturday night. Since tickets were cheap, I was game to check it out. Little did I know - it only took one visit and I was hooked!

We are now into our 2nd season as Windy City Rollers fans. Our friends think we are nuts - until they join us at a bout. Then they realize the energy and entertainment that we experience at each match. I watch these women with awe and think......I would love to be a roller girl....but do I have what it takes?? Do I have enough tatoos to fit in? Probably not. Am I athletic in nature? Definately not. Can I use my determination to fake it until I make it? ABSOLUTELY!!

So, one night while drinking TOO many martini's, a close friend of the hubby said something along the lines of "If Cristen were a roller girl, her name should be Payne D. Spencer." Alas, my alter ego was born.....